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Relationships

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Unsure whether he just wants sex/something casual or something more

23 replies

miamichill · 24/04/2021 08:41

Had been talking to this guy for a few months prior to the meeting. He said he is open to a relationship but not with anyone (same). I ended up thinking that he was a bit too forward in the kindest way and I had gotten out of a relationship a month or so beforehand. We had some really great chats. I think he took it a bit negatively and blocked me on social media. I had noticed that he unblocked me on social media so I reached out saying it was probably a miscommunication. He responded positively and we had our first date. Said to me to come to his which we did, we ordered food to his (very gentlemanly sort of guy), attracted to each other, great chats again and we went on a little evening picnic. We both have similar interests in academic stuff. We only kissed that night. I got to his around 6pm and left almost 12 hours later. He offered that I could stay the night but we could sleep in separate rooms or he was happy to drive me home but it was late, so he ordered an uber for me. We both are quite busy and we had our second date a few weeks later. He said it would be nice to hang again. A few days before our second date, he asked what I was up to one evening and offered movie night in pjs.

Anyway, the second date comes, I got to know him a bit better and he mentioned that we're quite similiar. Joked that we both mumble a lot. Ended up sleeping together, not a selfish person, cuddled afterwards and had our good chats. Date went really long like last time and I got an uber home. He messaged me asking if I was okay and to send me the details of the driver. We have been in contact via social media a bit since.

I'm just unsure whether he should be the one that expresses what he wants in person or do I mention that this is what I'm after. He works till the evenings throughout the week and weekend so it seems that I can only see him after work hours.

OP posts:
ShutUpAlex · 24/04/2021 08:43

Just ask??!

SmellsLikeGrandma · 24/04/2021 08:53

Don't ask him what he wants, tell him what you want.

bonfireheart · 24/04/2021 08:55

I don't understand why he blocked you initially.
And yes as PP said, ask him. If he as gentlemanly as you say then he shouldn't be afraid of a police conversation.

bonfireheart · 24/04/2021 08:55

*polite not police!

miamichill · 24/04/2021 09:00

@bonfireheart it sort of seemed like he did it to spite me and then felt stupid as to why he unblocked. Hard to say, however! He sort of mentioned that he felt like he opened up to me a lot over our phone calls.

OP posts:
miamichill · 24/04/2021 09:00

@bonfireheart could also be an indication of not the nicest guy but time will tell, I know I have done this before.

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 24/04/2021 09:04

You had two dates. What exactly do you want him to do - give you guarantees and promises?
You both established at the start of your conversations that you are open to a relationship with a right person. And now you are at the stage of getting to know each other to see where it goes.
Plus - you are just out of a relationship.

Take a breath and just enjoy.

miamichill · 24/04/2021 09:14

@MMmomDD thank you! Been out of a relationship for 6 months now.

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 24/04/2021 09:18

Such a pointless post, just ask

MiddlesexGirl · 24/04/2021 09:24

Too early to get any definitive answers either way. I'd take a step back (mentally) and just see how it pans our.

Wanderlusto · 24/04/2021 09:30

The blocking would have felt like it was 'spite' to me too and I wouldnt move forwards with someone who behaves like that. They might seem nice atm...but they aren't.

And he isnt gentlemanly if he invited you round to his for a first date. And a second 'in our pjs'. Aye right pal.

I'd suspect he wants an ego massage as well as the sex. Hense he may string you along for a good while. If you let him.

Try asking him out on actual dates. You'll soon find out if he sees you as partner material if he makes every excuse under the sun not to be seen with you in public.

miamichill · 24/04/2021 09:36

@Wanderlusto great idea, thank you! He sometimes comes up with funny ideas so I wasn't sure whether the movie in pjs was just him being creative but it seemed a bit of an excuse for an easy bonk.

OP posts:
CoconutMaracas · 24/04/2021 10:57

I would pace it more - spending 12 hours on dates is too much. I also wouldn’t be doing first dates at someone’s house - not exactly an effort for him and easy sex on tap.
Has he asked you out again? If he has , make sure he puts some effort in to organise a dinner or something. Would wait a couple more dates to bring up exclusive conversations

ChristmasFluff · 24/04/2021 11:46

How can either of you know what you want after two dates?

I can't say I could be bothered dating someone who spends all their time working - where's that going to go exactly? Sounds like he doesn't have time for a girlfriend.

It also sounds like he's trying to short-cut to a built-in girlfriend with all the perks that come with one, without having to put in much effort.

And as for the blocking - wow, I'm astonished you reached out to him after he did that. I'd have blocked him if he unblocked me. People like that are invariably crap at relationships and pull stunts like that as a matter of course. You always end up throwing them back anyway, so better to not get involved in the first place.

Women really need to challenge their urge to sort out 'miscommunication', and to reason away other people's bad behaviour.

SmellsLikeGrandma · 24/04/2021 11:50

How can either of you know what you want after two dates?

I think you can only know if you want a fwb or a casual relationship or if you're looking for something serious with a view to marriage and children.

Obviously, you're not going to know if you want the latter with a particular person after two dates but, if a person is looking for a life partner, living together, marriage, kids, there is little point in them spending any time dating someone who is definitely only looking for something casual.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 24/04/2021 11:52

@CoconutMaracas

I would pace it more - spending 12 hours on dates is too much. I also wouldn’t be doing first dates at someone’s house - not exactly an effort for him and easy sex on tap. Has he asked you out again? If he has , make sure he puts some effort in to organise a dinner or something. Would wait a couple more dates to bring up exclusive conversations
Not to mention a first date at someone's house is incredibly risky.

I'd have written him off after the blocking incident - which you still haven't explained; why on earth would he block you, and after that why on earth would you respond?!

If you're looking for something serious I'd personally drop him and find someone who doesn't lash out like a bloody teenager at the slightest hint that you're not stroking their ego enough.

flatsurfandmil · 24/04/2021 12:08

Why would you 'reach out' to someone who blocked you? Who you hadn't even met in person at that stage? Confused

Sunshine1111 · 24/04/2021 13:02

The responses, oooshh, BUT agree. Someone who blocked me I wouldn’t entertain getting involved with them.

CoconutMaracas · 24/04/2021 13:31

Yep agree with the blocking comments , that’s a 🚩 wouldn’t have gone on a date after that behaviour

MiddlesexGirl · 24/04/2021 14:14

I disagree ... perhaps ... about the blocking.
It may have been self-preservation on his part after what seems like some negative comments from OP - if I'm reading between the lines correctly.

miamichill · 24/04/2021 16:58

Thanks, everyone for your comments regarding the blocking. I think I reached out as I thought we got along well regardless of the block. If he wants to see me again, I'm going to suggest a normal date outside of his house and see how he responds.

OP posts:
miamichill · 24/04/2021 16:58

With the second date, he did suggest we could go out to eat as he wanted to surprise me but then we ended up eating in. I need to stand my ground a bit more and see how he responds to a normal date.

OP posts:
DonnaGoHome · 15/05/2021 10:57

Miamichill

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