I want to move to Ireland, dp doesn't. Do you think that is a surmountable problem?

[Carmenere]

That is it really. I have spent the last 6 years here and although I do like it, I miss my friends and family really badly and can't see myself spending the rest of my life here.
Every so often I raise the issue and he palms me off with some excuse or other but he just doesn't want to move.
So how do we work this out? Does one of us have to be unhappy?

He would do really well in his profession there. He would make much more money there than he could here.

has he tried to visit?

Yep he has a great time when he is there, we are going for Christmas.

will he consider a pro and con list?

this is a tough one many folks i know face.

i have to confess, though, that sometimes a pro and con list isn't much help becuase it's like the list Ross made about Emily and Rachel in 'Friends', where Emily had all these pros and only one con: 'Not Rachel'.

Sorry, But you want to move back to ireland becuase you miss your familey and friends. What about his familey and friends? wouldn't he miss them and feel loney. Seems to me that maybe the tow of you can't sort this out.

Sorry

Call me, mobile switched on. I am in work so I will need to be swiftish, but call me.

some folks aren't so close to their family and friends, though, stary.

this is common among international couples.

it's not for us, because i never liked my native country and was never happy there, but if you did/do then yes, you do have valid points.

Well, exactly, Starry, which is why I am still here. although he doesn't get on with his mum, his dad is dead and he doesn't have many friends. Actually I think that this is the reason he can't seem to empathise about how much I miss mine.
Unfortunately he is just not open to it at all really which makes me feel crap as inthat my happiness is not really very high up there in his list of priorities.

I can empathise, although as I said I am not troubled by not living in my native country.

Just trying to think of a workround.

dh said we would be here forever

but we are now hopefully moving next spring

good luck

I think you might have to play hardball with this, unfortunately.

could you investigate his work over in your home - work out how much he would earn - the sort of place you could live - present him with a whole package scenario - show him you have done your homework and that you really would like to seriously consider it.

No point in waiting for him to be pro-active - sounds like he is never going to be because the status quo is ok for him. You are the one who wants to move - so you have to work at making it an attractive option for him too - not just to make you happy.

We are the same Carmenere. DH has no family as such or ties to UK but he is very anti living in Ireland.

I was always quite happy with that until DS came along. But now I would like to live near family. And DS really wants to too. He loves his cousins and as an only child I think it would be good for him to be near family.

However we are financially much better off than any of my family and DH thinks it would be more obvious if we were living there. And then there are issues with my family that DH doesn't really want to get embroiled in.

Tricky one.

Would he give it a try for a couple of years?

don't give up on it
i'm desperate to move to sweden. dp loves it there too, it is worried about the whole language/job/his mum and dad issue
this situation has dragged on for 6 years now, and has led to many, many rows
we're hoping to sell this north oxford shoebox for a half decent amount, buy a place in my hometown for a snip, and have some left over to buy a little place in a stockholm suburb - so we've got a place there, which we can call home, as well as retain his UK-based securities
is there any chance you could buy a run-down shack type thing in ireland, and have it as a pied a terre?
i have a long-term game plan with this, which will see us eventually living there
i'm used to living and coping without my family, and i'd probably see them more from sweden than i do down here
good luck - i know how heart-wrenching it is to feel you should be somewhere else

can you present him a way to move that gives you all an "exit strategy" if he does't like it after some pre-agreed period?

and then renege on it when the pre-agreed period is up .