Change of heart?

[summer151]

Met someone at the start of November. Got on great from the start. Talked on phone and texted a lot. Met when I didn't have kids and met him with his kids and mine for walks every so often. He told me he felt like he was falling in love with me only 2 weeks ago. But! He doesn't seem to be in touch much any more. Just a text every few days asking how I am and not much else.. doesn't really continue the conversation.. feeling really sad that it mite be all over. Should I txt to ask if he just sees me as a friend now or do I just leave it as it is and accept it's the end. Tia.

I would say “ you’ve got less talkative lately. Anything up or have you gone off me?” He might not be well or be dealing with some personal issues.

Need to ask so you know where you stand

Yeah. I'm just going over things in my head for the last couple of weeks and wondering what I might have done to put him off.. I'm trying to forget about him as much as I do really like him but then sends a text asking how I am. I say to myself to not bother replying but then feel bad but it's just wrecking my head now as I need to find out if where I stand. I was thinking of asking if he had friend zoned me..used to text me good morning, good night etc to nothing like that the last few weeks

It sounds like he's lost interest.
I wouldn't answer his texts anymore.
I wouldn't ask him about it. He'll just lie and you'll feel worse.

Yeah il just leave it. It's shit tho being left wondering.. he seemed so genuine and just feeling a bit heartbroken as I felt like I was really falling for him.

You need to ask. He's still reaching out to you.

Just afraid of looking a bit desperate if I ask

It does look desperate. If he’s quiet you be quieter. Date others, get busy with your life

Has he stopped suggesting meet-ups? Do you suggest meet-ups? If so, how does he respond? If not, perhaps he wants to see if you take the initiative? If you’ve been seeing each other for 5-6 months, I think you’re beyond the stage where he needs to make the running. Sorry if I’ve read it wrong and you’ve been equal in making the running from the outset. It’s just that it sounds like it’s been going well but you’re being rather passive about it all now that he’s being less communicative by text. He’s still reaching out but you seem to be waiting for him to do more. And maybe it’s just my age, but text strikes me as a very overrated means of communication. Better to speak or meet, surely.

Sounds like either he lost interest or something else is going on in his life. I really feel for you not actually knowing where you stand. I would definitely just ask. Why not we are adults right?!

Hate this shit. You just "know" dont you.

Golden rule is if he leaves you wondering, then thats not a good thing at all. Lack of effort, to me, means lack of interest.

If you ask, he will probably not be honest and give you the slow fade.

Just wait it out. Reply curtly. Give the same effort he does and try hard to get on with things.... these situations are utter shit but generally go one way. Xxx

Two weeks ago he was in love with you and now he's not bothered?

Trouble is often if you ask guys they don't give you a straight answer. It's always either a vague 'busy with work' or 'family troubles'. This usually means they don't want to dump you fully as they are still keeping their options open.

I think if someone genuinely had problems but they were keen on you they would explain so you know where you stand. He's doing the slow fade that so many men do as probably got cold feet. I sound cynical but I've seen it so many times.

Maybe he's backed off a bit as after saying he was falling in love with you you didn't respond in similar fashion?

I did just text him there but he hasn't seen message yet. Just felt like I needed to say something. Just for closure if nothing else. His kids and my kids got on great and we all had a great time together whenever we met. I just said I need to know if u see me more of a friend now as I feel things are different with us now and that's ok if that's how u feel. Just need u to b honest with me. Prob not the right thing to say but I was fed up of just waiting. I feel like I have nothing to lose by asking only a small bit of pride!!

You saying you feel things are different could sound like you think you are just friends which in turn might make him think he needs to say yes to that to save face and avoid embarrassment his side. However hopefully he sees past that and shares true feelings.

You didn’t answer my question about who takes the lead on arrangements. You totally don’t have to answer it but it sounds as if you still expect him to reach out to you the whole time. Perhaps he needs some of that from you? (Sorry if I’m way off-beam and you have been proactive in making arrangements). I just think it’s odd that he says he thinks he’s falling in love with you and then cools it. Just based on what you’ve said, I’m wondering if he’s looking for indications from you that you’re interested. There’s just something a bit passive in the way you describe what’s happening given that you’re 5/6 mths in.

Dery thank you and everyone else who replied. I did initiate contact a good bit too. Maybe not as much as him. I am a very insecure person and find it hard to believe anyone wld be too interested and I always hold back a bit and let them take the lead re wanting to meet and text etc. So I won't feel hurt or disappointed if he doesn't txt bk or doesn't want to meet. He did text bk last nite and said he thought my feelings had changed for him and he didn't want to be hassling me and that his hasn't changed for me. I think he mite b abit insecure too as he was cheated in his marriage.

Well then you need to show him you love him or if you don’t know if you are at that stage yet at least make some more effort in showing you care about the relationship

When he said he was falling in love, what did you say? I'm guessing you didn't respond particularly enthusiastically and that's led to him thinking "Shit, she's not that into me."

So he's now been doing exactly what you've been advised upthread - stop initiating all the time, let her (you) do the running and chasing!

Just be honest with each other - this stupid guessing game is so, so unneccesary. We can fall into these patterns where actually being honest about your emotions makes you feel like you're weak or vulnerable. But being honest and open about your emotions is actually a sign of your strength! Faffing about, dropping "hints" and playing games just makes you look like you're afraid of rejection.

It's good that he texted you back last night. Me personally, I'd text him today and say "Glad you said that! I was thinking you'd gone off me :) I do really like you and want to continue dating and see where it takes us! Shall we meet up this weekend/next week?"

He probably wants to keep you on the back burner - just in case.
Agree with above.
Give him very little of your time and if this carries on for more than another two weeks, then block him.
He sounds like a tyre kicker.