Always crying alone

[AR41]

I will try to keep this brief..

Partner and I have been together coming upto 3 years now, living together about 9 months. Loving, intimate relationship.

But, this last couple of weeks, he has had some drama with his ex which I won't spill on here but there's his 2 kids involved.
Normally, he's very cuddly and loving towards me, so the other day I asked if he was feeling OK and mentioned that he had gone a bit cold towards me.
He shouted at me, its all about you and how you feel and what you want. What about me what about what I want and how I'm feeling. I just sat amazed at what he had said I've never done anything other than love this man. If I ask him if he's OK or what's on his mind all I get is, yes I'm fine or I don't want to talk about it. This is what's upsetting me so much, how can he say that to me? Naturally I'm a loving, caring person. Always put others first before me. I only wanted a hug.
I understand what he's going through, I've been through similar with an ex of mine. He said he just wants to be left alone so I backed off and then he accused me of cheating on him. I cant win. When his kids are here on a weekend I get pushed aside, he has nothing much to do with me at all. He went as far as telling me that's what he's doing. Why does he want to hurt me? Is he saying these things to hurt me because he's hurting?
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, have to be careful what I say and do.
My head says call it a day, but I know and feel deep in my heart that I love him. I cant just walk away. I'm always there for him if and when he needs me. I just need an idea how I can help him through it without hurting or upsetting myself in the process.

that sounds hard, especially as when you are hurting, you want to be pulled closer and your man pushes you away. Its ok, you can both process stress differently.
I'd give him some space and then you can both talk about the argument when you are both calmer. This doesn't mean just listening to him, this means telling him about how hurt you were that he's accused you of cheating when you haven't.

If you can both talk this through and move on with some changes great, if he can't or you can't - its ok to end it.

Whatever you choose, its going to be ok.

Ever read the book men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Men tend to pull away when under stress ‘ go into their cave’ women’s natural reaction to stress is to talk. I think it’s quite accurate from the relationships I’ve had. My dh talks more but I can still see he prefers doing diy when he’s stressed then sitting chatting about it.
Try and give him space and tell him you are doing that but are there if he needs you

Men process feelings inwardly, we tend to keep things inside while we figure out how we feel, and sometimes we don’t know how we feel.
As PP give him some space and time for now to work out how he feels and be there for support,
Sorry that all sounds a bit shit, but as man I sometimes don’t know how I feel and just want to be left alone to figure it out

Men show emotions differently. I suspect he has been bottling his feelings inside , so when you were the one asking for support about something that’s directly affecting him, I’m sure he just felt like it was ironic that you were upset and so instead of communicating that , he blew up.

I’m sure this will pass and you’ll make up soon, he’s probably just under stress. Nobody’s perfect.

Whilst I agree that different people experience/display emotions differently, I did see some things in your post that would put me off him.

He said he just wants to be left alone so I backed off and then he accused me of cheating on him. I cant win. When his kids are here on a weekend I get pushed aside, he has nothing much to do with me at all. He went as far as telling me that's what he's doing.
Why on earth is he accusing you of cheating on him? Why on earth has he outright told you he is "pushing you aside"? Yes the kids come first but no reason to phrase it so rudely. This seems like a lot of hassle.

I would move out again.

So bloody what if you love him? It's not a trump card that outweighs being treated like crap and being unhappy.

Love is just an emotion, you get over it, and love again.

Love isn't supposed to be painful and about how much you can put up with. There are no prizes for being the biggest mug.

Love is supposed to be reciprocal and accompanied by respect, loyalty, care and kindness - if it isn't, it's worthless.

A relationship should add to your life, not make it miserable.

Fuck him off fgs. Grieve. Recover. Find someone nicer.

I would move out and leave him to it.