Hello
I’ve been with my partner for around 5 years and from almost the beginning he’s had difficulty controlling his tone and being calm. Essentially, he gets angry very easily over things many people would be angry over. I’m quite vocal so I say how I feel.
He’s been going to work whilst I’ve been working from home for now. His travel to work includes a almost 2 hour journey and he seems really angry at this.
He’s been sleeping very early straight after work, not even getting ready for bed, just falling asleep on the sofa. I’m also tired because my work is mentally tiring. I get that he’d be tired doing physical work but I always wondered whether it was normal to fall asleep at 6-7 pm. We don’t really do anything anymore, even grocery shopping is mainly something I have to do. When he isn’t sleeping he’s watching tv and in all honesty our tv tastes vary a lot so I can never enjoy the things he watches so I end up just sitting doing something else on my own. I get really bored. Don’t have anyone here with me as I relocated for the job and because this is his home city. I can’t just turn to my friends or family as they’re all so far away. I am almost always feeling quite down because I don’t really see him much and when he’s here he’s too tired, asleep or watching something. I told him yesterday this is all boring and he’s said it isn’t his fault and asked me whether I knew anyone else having to travel 2 hours to work by public transport (I used to do 1.45hrs up until January!) but yes I know my job isn’t physically demanding as such so this is pretty irrelevant apparently.
I feel bad because i said to him that for his age sleeping this early and being this tired isn’t good. It isn’t even a lifestyle. It’s like an ongoing circle whereby it’s work, food and sleep. We’ve certainly lost the bit where the couple have time together.
I feel bad as I’ve said some hurtful things but when I tried to apologise (I don’t often have to apologise as he’s often the one who gets angry and throws a tantrum) he just dismissed it and said he won’t accept my apologies because as he says I ‘don’t mean it’ because I mention it too often that he’s tired. I don’t think anybody knows how tired I am. Tired of life tired, tired of the stress at work, tired of everything. I keep things to myself often but on a daily basis I have to deal with some really tough people and tough situations. I feel so lost here because essentially, once he leaves for work I’m all alone in a big city where I barely know anyone. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep on apologising because what’s the point? I’ve said it, asked him to be calm, instead he got angry, as always slammed some doors and shouted that I don’t know how hard he works. What can I do with this? How do you even behave if someone gets so angry around you? He’s often chucking things around, breaking stuff, throwing things at walls, shouting and slamming doors.