Happily living separately?

[Seasidemumma77]

My DP has made it clear he doesn't want anyone but me, but wants to continue living separately. I love the nights we spend together, and enjoy having my bed to myself other nights. Can this work long term?

Of course it can, if you both want the same things and are equally happy with the parameters of your relationship.

@Aquamarine1029

Of course it can, if you both want the same things and are equally happy with the parameters of your relationship.

I think/know that I've always considered commitment equals marriage. I'm first to admit, despite 2 failed marriages, that I have never felt the depth of feeling I am enjoying now. My heart is happiest it has ever been, but my head is butting in with preconceived ideals of living together and marriage. Honestly my heart and head at total war!

Hey OP! Of course it can work long term. I have a work colleague who has been with her DP for 22 years and they still don't live together lol

@Strawbfields

Hey OP! Of course it can work long term. I have a work colleague who has been with her DP for 22 years and they still don't live together lol

I think the issue is that I am old fashioned, like my family. However, the intensity of feeling I have for this man is like nothing I've experienced before, yet he is adamant he neither wishes to marry me or live with me. I think I'm fundamentally scared of commiting to a relationship so far removed from anything I had envisaged.

How long have you been together?

Things can and probably will change as the relationship progresses.

I never want to live with my DP. We both have older children, we are both sorted in life. I couldn't love him more but I don't want to live with him. He feels the same.

It's okay if it's what you both want but if you want more than maybe he isn't the one for you.

@Strawbfields

How long have you been together?

Things can and probably will change as the relationship progresses.

We've been together 2.5yrs. I have 4DC aged 22yrs to 14yrs, he has no children.

We have been honest with each other. I truly have never felt how I feel about him. He never imagined meeting someone who had been married before, and was certain he didn't want a family.

@Hdiebfhs

I never want to live with my DP. We both have older children, we are both sorted in life. I couldn't love him more but I don't want to live with him. He feels the same.

It's okay if it's what you both want but if you want more than maybe he isn't the one for you.

I just, honestly, never expected to feel like this about someone and never expected to consider not getting married or living together

It’s fairly obvious that you want different things

I think it’s crazy you’ve been married twice and divorced twice (presumably living together each time) but despite that you’re still questioning the happiest you have ever been and the best relationship you’ve ever had because it doesn’t fit your preconceived ideas about marriage. Despite having already done it twice before and it not working.

Sorry but i think you need to ask yourself is your idea of what ‘should’ be that much more powerful than what actually IS?

6.5 years of doing that here, BUT we are engaged and are looking to move in together now the children are older. Problem is I'm worried I've become a little too comfortable and secure living on my own, so my heart and head are having the opposite battle to yours now! So yes it can work long term, as long as that's what you both genuinely want

It's clear you want to live with your DP, and that's fine.
Me and DH, on the other hand, will be living in separate houses as soon as we can afford it!

Things will change if you live together op, especially with your children there. I'd enjoy the feelings you have and the independence. Things might change one day in the future so don't write it off but enjoy the romance of this separateness. Beats the drudgery of shared chores etc.

I agree that it would change if you lived together. Enjoy living how you are now, I wish I could live like you do.

There was a similar post yesterday op and as I said on there, I have been with my dp for almost 2 years and have no intentions of moving in with him. We have both m=been married and had kids. Mine still live with me and I won't push them out by moving someone else in who they have no choice about. I also value my new found independence and time with just me and my kids.

Maybe your dp doesn't want to move in with you while you have kids living at home but might feel differently when they are older and moved out, as I might. I don't feel my relationship is any less valid because we don't live together though. I like it when he tells me he misses me and I look forward to seeing him and doing nice things with him that don't have to revolve around children.