Possessive ex

[Lightbulbed]

How do you get away from a possessive ex? He's not violent or outwardly controlling, but I can't get him out of my life at all. He comes over to drop off DCs and before I know it, he's fixing the fence in the back garden, needs the toilet, has made me a new outdoor table after I happened to mention I was going to buy a new one and just needs to grab some tools from the garage to finish it, is putting my washing away if he brings DCs home from school and I'm running late, comes over to collect some random item on my DC free night regularly. I'm in the family home and will be buying him out in the next couple of months, but I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever truly be free of him. Tried boundaries, but they're difficult to implement as he spends some of his time with DCs in my house as he's living with a mate until I buy him out.

I'm not sure how to handle it?

Eew. No I just wouldn't put up with that. You're not sure how to handle it? How about emailing him or texting him and saying "We need to ensure that our boundaries are respected. This means you cannot come into the house any more when you drop off the kids."

Don't be pulled into conversation about it...just keep saying "I don't want you coming in"

Stop him spending some of his time with kids in your house...that's what's muddying the waters probably. Was he abusive?

There's no other way than for him to come in the house at present when he has the DCs a couple of times a week. He does have them there but can't every time. I can see how it's muddying the waters.

No abuse as such, more awkardness, obstructive behaviour and stubbornness leading to a loss of love for him and anger/resentment/frustration from me leading to him falling out of love with me.

Of course there's a way. He takes them out. He's not going to make any moves towards a place of his own if you continue making his life easy and giving him access to you.

You must start saying no. "Please do not touch the laundry. Thank you for this table but I do not want it, please return it for a refund. It's not appropriate for you to do this as we are not in a relationship."

You need to stop thinking of him as your ex and move your relationship with him to a professional one. Think of him as a contractor - you want to be polite but not friendly.

He needs to see the children outside the house.

Stop allowing him to cross the threashold.

You need to enforce a no entry rule.

You are being bullied by him.

Yes make him take them out or to his parent's house. You have to draw a clear line or he'll keep crossing the muddy one you currently have.

Does he still have keys? Can you get a ring doorbell fitted? Then if he shows up you can be "out"

You mention buying him out, so I assume he still co-owns the property? Is there any sort of order in place which stops him living there?

Because otherwise he’s within his rights to move back in if he chose. IMO the point to push the boundaries would be when it’s legally your property, or you could find he decides to be obstructive by claiming a room.