Help! Fresh off breaking off a relationship and I need to know if I've truly made the right call?

[Sarz1991]

Hey everyone, so long story short I finally broke up with my fiancé of 7 and a half years and together for 8 and a half years , just a week and 4 days ago, due to an on going issue of a huge lack of attraction from my part which came down to me rarely feeling like having sex with him particularly over the last few years (just doing it for the sake of it) but I had been feeling the gradual lack of attraction for about 6 years but just brushing it to one side! I also didn't really feel like kissing him much either not because it repulsed me but I just didn't feel like it, and it just affected other things like causing friction between us, causing fights in front of his step children, him taking me for granted by only listening to conversations he was interested in, being on his phone all the time, BUT GET THIS, he is crushed and has being trying to get me back 3 times since it happened over a week ago - he keeps saying he will listen to me more and change loads of other things eg the way he said some things that weren't very nice, that he will not take me for granted etc but it doesn't seem to sink in that its to do with the fact that I couldn't keep going on fantasising about finishing with him on several occasions ( we almost finished 2 years ago but he begged me back, said things would change, even though I old him I wasn't really attracted to him!!!) , having dreams about being with his brothers, feeling sad because I would never feel like having sex again etc NOW I have been ok the pill for almost 10 years but to be perfectly honest there was never a strong attraction for me from the get go and I honestly don't think the pill would have lessened my attraction so much so to the extent of what I've been feeling the last few years - oh boy I really wanted it to work, I can't stop thinking about him because I care so much for him because we had great times, he was so funny when he wanted to be, but I've boiled it down to my unhappiness of not looking forward to the future with him because of my lack of attraction and sex drive caused the gradual rift between us and the snappiness. We had built our house together and we were supposed to get married, possibly have a baby together but I just didn't want to in the end because I must not have been happy, so to end this thread, I do think I've made the right decision but what I want to know is have I truly? Just to add I'm 30, hes 38 and my parents also adored him so the reason why I didn't finish things sooner was because I was thinking about my parents and his family and crushing everyone, so at the moment my head is in a spin even though I do think I've made the right decision

Of course you've made the right decision and you should have ended it years ago. He will not change and your feelings for him won't either. The relationship is over. Stop communicating with him and move on.

As for your family and his, ignore. This isn't their life, it's yours.

Yes definitely. You’ve even fallen for his lies about changing before so you know he won’t. Enjoy your freedom!

You did the right thing - fgs don't get sucked backwards.

Find someone who gets your motor running and who you have a great time with, don't settle for safe but rubbish.

You're only 30, you have time on your side, and far too much time ahead of you to spend it in a holding pattern with this bloke.

100% right decision.

You've done the right thing! Stop communicating with him.

Yes you have, if the attraction is not there now after marriage and children you would of felt trapped and unhappy.
It's only been a week though, so see how you feel in a few months time, if you can't get over him you'll know it was wrong, if you're looking ahead then it's right.

Stick with your decision. You know it’s the right one.

Gosh I'm sorry OP - I've kind of been there - I ended a LTR last year for similar reasons. The guilt is hard to bear, but you can't go back to assuage it. It's raw right now, but you've made the right choice. It's going to take a while to get over this (for both of you) but stick to your guns. Attraction is essential, you both deserve something that suits you better.
Good luck.

Hi everyone thanks for all the messages, I know I've the made the right decision, I suppose its still so raw and I was with him for 8 and a half years so its not going to be easy, but ill get there

Of course you made the right decision. For both of you, it wasn’t right and you find him cringe and unattractive.

No, it isn't easy when you've been with someone so long.
You absolutely have done the right thing.
You've probably outgrown him too.

Go no contact with him as it will help you a lot.

You made the right decision. I went back and had children with a wonderful man I'm not attracted to. Don't become me.

This is absolutely the right decision and one you should have made years ago. You need to be attracted to your life partner otherwise, as you have found, the intimacy expected in an LTR will be unbearable. It’s difficult and painful right now but the pain of staying would be far greater. You have done absolutely the right thing.

Like @ValancyRedfern I made the mistake of marrying and having kids with a man like this.

It's completely normal to feel terrible after a breakup, don't confuse grieving the end of a relationship with having made a wrong decision.

Imagine having to spend the next 60 years married to someone you have zero attraction to. He is not going to get more attractive to you than he is now. He’s as fanciable to you as he’s ever going to get. You’re missing him because you’re so used to him being there, not because you want to marry him all of a sudden.