Cafcuss

[Cookiemama786]

Hi all,
Going through lot of stress please advice or just few kind words xx
My abusive ex has taken me to court over kid The kids he saw about 12 years ago had no contact ever.cafcuss to prepare s7 report they have police reports domestic abuse etc
My solicitors not being very helpful as he wants me to agree for contact but I'm not ready to let my children(2) to let near ex because of his negligence in past me and kids suffered through lot and consider lucky enough to survive.
No social services involved ever,only police towards end of relation when I went to police for help.
My both boys age 15 and 13 are aware of situation they not bothered to see him even on phone I will respect their wishes x
But same time it's breaking me inside how shal I let them see biological F who always been absent from their life.

DS's sitting for 10th exam soon don't want to put him under pressure do o have a choice really

Please advice xx

Not a lawyer...

But at the ages they are no court is going to go against their wishes. Once the oldest is 16 he could be subject to a contact order anyway so by the time it gets to court it may well only be about the youngest.

Can you suggest that as it's been such a long time and that there was neglect and abuse that he tries indirect contact first - letters, cards. And see if he can stick to that before the next step if there is one.

At least that way no one can say it's you who's being awkward.

Oh and maybe move the post to legal for legal opinion. Or leave here if it's support you need!

Can you suggest that as it's been such a long time and that there was neglect and abuse that he tries indirect contact first - letters, cards. And see if he can stick to that before the next step if there is one.

I would agree with this. Suggest indirect contact first.

My ex had a court order. Dc 12 +14 went nc with him. Never heard from a solicitor.. Or even from him either!! Doubtful a judge would /could enforce contact for your dc..

I’m not a lawyer either but I’m a child protection social worker so have some experience in this area.

Firstly, your children are old enough to make their own minds up and nobody will force contact on them if they are 100% sure it’s not what they want.

It would be very rare for a court make a judgement that there should be no contact whatsoever between a parent and a child, which is probably what your solicitor is getting at. But that doesn’t mean he gets to swoop in and take them out etc. After such a long time out of their lives, the best he could hope for is some kind of supervised contact (if that’s what your children want). You are well within your rights to insist on that. Is there anyone in your family that could support you and act as a supervisor? Also the suggestion above that he begins with indirect contact (letters, cards) is an excellent one. He can write to the children and begin to build up a dialogue before any face to face meeting. This will also test his commitment to them.

I don’t know your background so I may be off the mark here, but if he’s still the awful person he was, your children are old enough to see that and will make their own minds up. If he’s not, they get to have some kind of relationship with their dad.

It must be so difficult for you as the parent who has done it all single handed for years because their dad was abusive. It must be dragging up lots of painful memories so it’s completely natural to feel the way you do. You are right to respect their wishes.

I hope things resolve themselves as peacefully as possible x