When the neighbours move in on you!

Wanderlusto · 22/04/2021 19:06

Why dont you set boundaries.

'Get off my feet'
'Stay out of my house ya little buggers'

Often if you say something, it'll embarrass the parent into telling them to behave. And if it doesn't: 'please get control of your children Barbara I'm not their nanny'.

That and just be 'in a rush' or 'busy today cant stop' whe you head out. Or put in your headphones.

Dont take any shit. Set boundaries for yourself on what you will tolerate from people.

Thestreets · 22/04/2021 19:06

Hi OP

That sounds really difficult. I am very much like you and will stop for a quick chat but like my own privacy and boundaries. Its very difficult when you don't want to seem rude!

Can you not use COVID as an excuse for not letting them in your house? Otherwise you might just have to be brave and say sorry the kids can't come in we have but maybe another time? If you say it often enough they hopefully will take the hint!

TaraR2020 · 23/04/2021 00:25

*Get off my feet'
'Stay out of my house ya little buggers'
*

Oh this made me laugh!

The pp is right tho, op - boundaries, dear!

They invite your dd round?
"Not right now / this time", "thank you but another time"

The children try to get into your house?
Stop them and say a polite but firm "no, you don't enter peoples homes without an invitation"

Put some trellis up to increase the height of your fence or get some bamboo in pots to create a screen.

Practice your resting bitch face.

memberofthewedding · 23/04/2021 00:35

Understand your problem as I avoid any kind of close contact with neighbours. Beyond a nod and a smile I really dont want to know. I am not into neighbouring.

My NDN is a clingy whinger but she has gradually come to realise that I have "poor" eyesight and hearing (at least so far as she is concerned).

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2021 00:40

Their boundaries are irrelevant. You set yours and that's it. If those children run into your house uninvited again, immediately go after them and say, "No, please come out. You haven't been invited in. Time to go home." Don't be mean, but do not be a doormat. Make it very, very clear that doesn't work for you.

PerveenMistry · 23/04/2021 01:01

@Movinbaby

Hey everyone Advice needed.... We have move house and I am getting bad vibes from the neighbours (not the ones joined onto me but on the other side) I loved my last neighbours and we are good friends. We moved in and the neighbours seemed nice. They came round and welcomed us etc.

I will be honest, I like my privacy but don't mind having a casual chat every now and then. I have 1 9 year old daughter but I am not the type of parent that has all the kids over and likes play dates. I am not into other people's kids, it's just the way I am.

When we moved in the neighbours said that their 6 year old use to sit at the fence shouting the neighbours name over and over (no wonder she moved). This raised eyebrows for me.
We have been here some weeks now but everytime I open my door my neighbour is there and wants a loonnngggg chat which their 3 young kids try to squeeze past me to get into my house. I tried washing the car one day and the door was open and in they went.
They stopped me again the other day for another long chat and 2 of the kids where literally stood on my toes, right up close to me wanting attention but the parents never tell them. Now I am afraid that has put me right off.

They have been inviting my daughter into their garden which is lovely and I can't stop.it as she wants to go but I am getting concerned that this is opening the flood gates. I just know that they have no boundaries and this is going to lead to a situation I don't want to be I The neighbours are alright but they are very different to me and my family and we do not appear to have the same values.

Any advice?

Have they not heard of Covid?

I'd nip this in the bud even if it means offending pushy neighbor.

Wear sunglasses and ear buds. "Sorry, on a work call, can't chat."

"Children, come out here. Our house is our work area and off limits! Thanks, bye!"

Original poster

Movinbaby · 23/04/2021 12:47

Oh you have all made me laugh, brilliant replies. I know its not the crime of the century but I also have a gut feeling if I don't do something now, I will live to regret it 😬. You see, I wouldn't have to ask for advice if I didn't have a complete fear of setting boundaries. I have always been the same, let people take too much from me, then get stressed, upset then blame myself. If I have to set a boundary I always feel terribly guilty like I am a bad person. Because I don't take control early on, it get worse to a point where I snap and really say something I shouldn't. I always feel like they are thinking bad of me.

And Wanderlusto, they are little sh*ts and I don't really want them hanging around. Any advice for how to do this if my daughter wants to play with them? I must say, I am not really sure why she does as they are 4/5 years younger than her?

OP posts:

Livandme · 23/04/2021 12:54

You can't allow your daughter in their garden if you don't allow the same on occasion in your garden imo.
Cant have it both ways.

daisys · 23/04/2021 13:21

I had this with a neighbour, we’ve moved since but when we moved next door to her she was constantly on my doorstep and shouting over the back fence for my dd to play with her dd.
One day she was hammering on my front door when I was upstairs so I quickly got un -dressed, wrapped a towel around me and around my hair, she was getting impatient and shouted through the letterbox ‘I know you’re home, I saw you come home’
So I opened the door and said I have just got out of the shower and at that point the towel came off my head and of course my hair was bone dry 😳.
I did invite her in once, she watched from her window as I pulled up on my drive after dropping ds at school, so about 9.15 am and shot out of the house, She stayed until 6pm. She knew I took ds and picked up his friend on the way to school, and knew ds was dropped off by friends mum after school.
She knew everyones business in the street, and gossiped about everyone and caused a lot of arguments with other neighbours through her gossiping.
I did try to avoid her and then she wanted to remove a fence panel between our gardens so ‘our girls can just come to each other’s house and play whenever they want’ .
When my wedding was coming up she appeared on my doorstep with her wedding dress telling me she ‘would be so honoured if I wore her dress’ 😳
From then I was a bit short with her and probably rude but eventually her constant door knocking tailed off.

CattingTime · 23/04/2021 14:18

When my wedding was coming up she appeared on my doorstep with her wedding dress telling me she ‘would be so honoured if I wore her dress’

What the fuuuuuuucck.

Original poster

Movinbaby · 23/04/2021 15:51

OMG daisy's, that's some scary stuff😬

I agree that It would be best if my daughter didn't go round so that I don't have to repay the favour. Only thing is I work until later and by the time I am home, she is in their garden! I just think it's best to put a stop to it. I may just have to find excuses when I am there and can stop it.

OP posts:

Drinkingallthewine · 23/04/2021 16:18

When we moved in, another set of neighbours who were friends of ours had us warned about the kids of NDN being underfoot ALL the time, so we were prepared. I had 'house rules' funnily enough, similar to my friend.
So: No playing upstairs. No upstairs full stop. No indoor play except by permission (usually when it was pissing rain and then only in the playroom.) No helping yourself to snacks. (after they all landed like locusts and cleaned me out) No taking toys outside without permission. (after umpteen toys destroyed) DS keeps his special toys in his room and the shit he doesn't care that gets broken or not in his play room.
My house my rules. I reserve the right to tell them off in my garden /house if they are misbehaving and send them home - and done that umpteen times over the last few years.
We are moving and to be honest, it's a bit of a relief. I pity the new tenants.

Notaroadrunner · 23/04/2021 16:29

@Movinbaby

OMG daisy's, that's some scary stuff😬

I agree that It would be best if my daughter didn't go round so that I don't have to repay the favour. Only thing is I work until later and by the time I am home, she is in their garden! I just think it's best to put a stop to it. I may just have to find excuses when I am there and can stop it.

So who is minding your dd when you work? Just tell that person that your dd is not allowed over to play. Do you have a back garden she can play in instead? As soon as the other kids make a run for your door you just call them back and say 'no playing inside'. Say it every time. Feck them, the cheeky pests. They are clearly being raised with no manners if the mother doesn't call them back, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with them. Start now as the longer this goes on the worse it will get. As for chatting to the neighbour, stick in some headphones if you're out washing the car etc. If she starts wittering on just smile, point to your ears and continue with your business.

Original poster

Movinbaby · 23/04/2021 17:14

Thanks for replying. My DH works from home. Today I have come home from work and there is a little girl in the garden? She lives across the road apparently. Apparently her Dad came over and asked if my daughter wanted to go to the field nearby with his kids and then to play in their garden for an hour. My DH said yes and 20 minutes later they were back in our garden. Now my DH should have said no as he was working and I was not at home but he was on a work call and he can't be dealing with it and working at the same time. I came home and they were sat inside ! at my dining table playing board games 😡

It's caused a few cross words to be honest. My DH is very laid back and never minds anything. He said that he can't see the problem. I am different and often feel like I am a party pooper and that I am spoiling things for my DD.

I just feel that if it was agreed by us that they would come to our house today, then fine. It wasn't convenient for us today as we were both working so couldn't check the kids were okay. That's why they ended up sat inside at the table. When I agree that they can come over I will tell them and it will be convenient to us, not them.

My DS has just had a right go at me saying he thinks I am being out of order and that it's nice for our DD. He thinks it's nice for kids to come in and out of each others houses. I too want my DD to have friends but it needs to be mutually agreeable and not a chicken run. He said he doesn't understand me and that I should go and tell them. Oh I am starting to wish I had not moved here now 😕 It started with the NDN and now across the street (they are good friends apparently)

OP posts:

PerveenMistry · 23/04/2021 17:20

@Movinbaby

Thanks for replying. My DH works from home. Today I have come home from work and there is a little girl in the garden? She lives across the road apparently. Apparently her Dad came over and asked if my daughter wanted to go to the field nearby with his kids and then to play in their garden for an hour. My DH said yes and 20 minutes later they were back in our garden. Now my DH should have said no as he was working and I was not at home but he was on a work call and he can't be dealing with it and working at the same time. I came home and they were sat inside ! at my dining table playing board games 😡

It's caused a few cross words to be honest. My DH is very laid back and never minds anything. He said that he can't see the problem. I am different and often feel like I am a party pooper and that I am spoiling things for my DD.

I just feel that if it was agreed by us that they would come to our house today, then fine. It wasn't convenient for us today as we were both working so couldn't check the kids were okay. That's why they ended up sat inside at the table. When I agree that they can come over I will tell them and it will be convenient to us, not them.

My DS has just had a right go at me saying he thinks I am being out of order and that it's nice for our DD. He thinks it's nice for kids to come in and out of each others houses. I too want my DD to have friends but it needs to be mutually agreeable and not a chicken run. He said he doesn't understand me and that I should go and tell them. Oh I am starting to wish I had not moved here now 😕 It started with the NDN and now across the street (they are good friends apparently)

God, what a nightmare!

AmyLou100 · 23/04/2021 18:02

No offense op, but your dd is playing with these much younger kids because she wants company. I saw this with my ds when he was an only. It's good to have some boundaries. I certainly would make sure that those kids are not running in whenever they feel like it. They also sound like they have no manners, you want to nip this in the bud quickly before it becomes a problem. Maybe chat with your dd letting her know it's ok to have friends over but only if she asks.

Original poster

Movinbaby · 23/04/2021 18:23

Non taken at all. That's difficult to answer. She has always struggled to make friends but she.likes her own company. I often ask if she would like a school friend to come to our garden but she isn't that bothered. The NDN kids are a lot younger than my DD and I think things may change as she heads to comprehensive in September

OP posts:

AmyLou100 · 23/04/2021 18:35

It could be that she doesn't have close friends in school and the younger kids make her feel like the 'leader' which she enjoys? Sometimes school can be so tough, all the outside stuff is when they really let go. My ds was like this too.

Branleuse · 23/04/2021 19:33

tell the parents, look, im not being funny but i dont mind kids in the garden, but I dont want loads of kids in the house. I dont want this to get awkward,