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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just happy in your own company?

28 replies

Alwaystired4 · 22/04/2021 18:33

Anyone else just quite happy without many/any friends? Not in a grumpy way (not a grumpy post!)
I'm married, have 2 children, work evenings and just don't feel any need to do all the girly mate things so many people seem to do?

I'm quite happy doing fitness and gardening at home and I've never really felt the need for a big gaggle of girlfriends.

Is it just me? Just happy doing your own thing on ya onesie? 🙂
(No grumpy comments needed just a curiosity post 🙂)

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/04/2021 17:08

I'm like you and many PPs - I don't really get anything out of friendships. It's nice to occasionally meet up with someone for dinner and drinks, but I don't want anything deeper than that, and I steer well away from any sort of group outing.

People try to make friends with me sometimes but I keep them at arms length. I don't like the idea of having close friends. I often see close friends described as "The person I could pick up the phone and call at 3am if my partner left me" and I'm like... ugh. Fuck that. I would never call anyone in the small hours. Like, what for??

In my teens and early 20s I tended to have very intense friendships with other women where I was the "rescuer" constantly on-call to dive in and save them from whatever shit they'd got themselves into. Anguished phone calls, driving them all over the place because I was always "the friend with a car", lending (more often giving) them money, putting the shits up any bloke I thought wasn't worthy of them... It was extremely unhealthy.

These days I make sure I am capable of fulfilling my own emotional needs for myself. I don't feel it's fair to "lead people on" in friendships given that I won't really care very much about them.

I've been like this since I was a child. (Aside from the brief period of unhealthy intense friendships, which was at a time of great mental health problems for me.) I remember at primary school I had a "best friend" who lived round the corner, so we played together pretty much every day in and out of school. At the end of primary her family moved away for her dad's job. After they'd left I remember my mum asking me "Are you sad that Betty has moved?" I said no, not really. She said "But you must miss playing with her?!" I said no, not really. We remained penpals for a couple of years and I did go to visit her once when we were about 12. That was a drag.

OP you'll probably find when your marriage ends that you decide to never cohabit again! I've currently got my DS, who's 25, living with me, but he's moving out next month (please god it all goes through) and I cannot fucking wait! He's been back home the last 4 years, the 3 years prior to that of living alone were bloody bliss! I usually have a couple of reliable fuck-buddies on the go mind ;)

Naimee87 · 04/05/2021 17:01

I liked this post! I also find it so nice to be at home with my son and my puppy! Or just on my own. I also far prefer one to one catch ups with friends. I find big groups and crowds quite exhausting. And i definitely prefer a night in than a night out! The working from home situation has suited me too so i'm sort of hoping that the option will be there when things decide to go back to some sort of 'normal'

user1471538283 · 04/05/2021 21:35

I've got my tribe and when DS was younger always had a house full. But I've always liked my own company and enjoy evenings with a spot of woman food and a movie.

I once spent four blissful days on my own sorting out the house, eating lovely food and long baths. After this year I'd like to go somewhere remote for a few days and read in the quiet.

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