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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to leave my emotionally abusive partner

3 replies

Kaylasmum49 · 22/04/2021 10:23

I've posted on here many times over the years about my relationship. We have been together for 20 years and have 2 dcs aged 17 and 14.

I have been in contact with womens aid and talk with someone from there every week. She has confirmed that I am a victim of domestic abuse. My partner owns the house so I would have to leave, the dcs would come with me. I only work part time and recently had to drop a shift as my 14 to ds is experiencing high anxiety, unable to attend school and is on the asd pathway so needs a lot of input from me. I have looked at private lets but they are so expensive and I also have bad credit so most likely wouldn't be accepted. I have contacted the council but they have told me unless I go down the homeless route I would be waiting for a considerable time for a house/flat. I feel trapped and very unhappy.

I also feel very confused because my partner can be very kind at times, I have 3 adult dcs who he has been amazing with when they have gone through tough times, always ready to help them out. But, he has a quick temper and when angry a nasty mouth.

There has been so many incidents over the years that I find hugely unacceptable. He has kicked/punched holes in walls, thrown things, broken things, called me names, tells me almost monthly to fuck off (he knows I hate this and have asked him many times not to say that as I find it very disrespectful) he also blames me if he can't find something, saying that I have hidden it.

I'm far from perfect but I would never intentionally hurt anyone with my words or actions. I'm 55 and don't know where to turn. I know no one can really offer advice but it has helped me to write it down.

OP posts:
Newusertothis · 22/04/2021 10:50

Hi
You would get housing benefit towards a private let and universal credit if your working part time with dc to care for,
My ex used to always say id hid his things what he couldn’t find

Kaylasmum49 · 22/04/2021 12:43

Thanks for replying, I will look into what I might be entitled to.

OP posts:
username12345T · 22/04/2021 13:51

OP speak to your council. They sometimes have pockets of cash for helping you with a deposit (they don't want to have to house people) contact Shelter and ask them about housing. You have been in contact with WA who can write a letter of support but get advice first on your rights.

You can find landlords that accept benefits here (this is for England): england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/how_to_find_landlords_who_accept_benefits

You can also contact the Money Advice Service: www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en for advice on money and benefits and other entitlements

Also take a look at the CABx website or give them a call.

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