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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner's sleep issues

3 replies

puppychaos · 21/04/2021 18:32

I am at the end of my tether.

My partner is in this ridiculous cycle. She gets really into a TV show and watch it through the night, and then watch more the night after, and the night after, until she is unable to get to sleep at all because she's spent a week straight watching telly instead of sleeping. She needs roughly 9 hours of sleep a night, meaning that when she gets up in the morning, she either sleeps in or is absolutely horrible to me until about 2pm-ish. She then has an evening nap for about three hours after work, and then at night goes, 'I can't sleep again!'.

It's exhausting. Every single morning I am treated like shit, and every single evening I watch her crash out on the sofa and think, 'Well, that's tomorrow morning fucked too'. We do not have children but we do have two dogs and she works from 9am so it's not like she has no responsibilities.

This cycle can last for months, and then one night she decides to force herself to stay awake until 10pm instead of napping, sleeps through, and then is back to a normal sleep schedule pretty much straight away. I think the fact that it is quite so easily fixable is what pisses me off so much - and her audacity to say that she has sleep issues... er, no, you just watched TV too much and got into a bad habit! Also when she's in this cycle, all household stuff/dogs/cooking/etc falls to me, which as someone with chronic fatigue is not great.

I don't know, maybe I'm being grumpy, maybe I don't understand because I never watch TV shows, and maybe I'm also annoyed because I genuinely do have sleep issues and I've just learnt to work my way around it without being horrible to everyone around me. But I am really, really sick of this - she got into yet another cycle of this a few nights ago, and I have taken to hiding away in my office from her because I can't be bothered to deal with it.

So, mumsnet, how do I really get her to understand how much her binge watching and sleep affects everyone else in the house? She just doesn't listen when I try to explain how being treated badly every morning makes me feel, and how rubbish it is to have to try and do everything household based whilst working full time, with a disability. And I really am on my final rope with this.

OP posts:
movpov · 21/04/2021 19:14

Honestly? I'd be re evaluating the relationship - ask yourself what are you actually getting out of it...she's not listening when you try to talk to her because she's choosing not to listen. The sleeping issue is one thing - treating you badly is another and it's a choice she's making.

I can relate to the situation, I had similar with my ex only it wasn't sleep, it was the silent treatment for days after any kind of argument or disagreement. He knew that kind of behaviour really upset me, and he did it anyway. That was what killed it for me - he did it anyway. Your partner's doing the same - she knows it upsets you and still she's not listening and choosing to act this way.

Sorry, this might not be what you want to hear but I'd be contemplating leaving or asking her to leave. I don't know any other way of resolving this issue.

PriestessofPing · 21/04/2021 19:51

This sounds awful and i’ve no idea how you’ve put up with it for so long. How come you are picking up the slack when she does this? Obviously you need to care for the dogs, but what would happen if you refused to pick up her chores and take on all the extra load?

JustAnotherOldMan · 21/04/2021 22:01

That sounds awful, do you have anywhere else you can stay when she is in this cycle

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