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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship is breaking down and I'm scared

5 replies

Sunny246 · 21/04/2021 16:52

We have a 3-year-old child. We're brilliant parents, business partners and run a beautiful home full of trust and respect BUT there is no emotional connection or intimacy (in the broadest sense from physical touch to sex) There has always been a mismatch in our emotional and intimate needs in that I have always wanted more but there was a baseline I was happy to accept. Things have now fallen way below that baseline and despite everything else being wonderful I want a romantic partner and right now I don't have one.

We started couples therapy a few months ago and her diagnosis is that this is nothing to do with me or our relationship it's to do with his mental health (he's showing signs of depression) his childhood, unresolved trauma, and his neurodiversity.

We are now at a crossroads as he has said he doesn't believe he is capable of being a romantic partner, nor does he want to be one. He has said he doesn't think he can give me what I need but he's unsure if this is real or if it's his mental health or lockdown or a combination of all the things.

We have just immigrated to a new country 6 months ago and he is the sole carer of our three year old whilst I work.

I'm very confused and scared and lonely and would really appreciate hearing from anyone else who's in a similar situation or if you know of any support groups I can join.

OP posts:
YouAreTheStorm · 21/04/2021 20:52

There's a lot to unpick here OP. Moving has undoubtedly had an impact - does he have any support outside of you in the new country?

EarthSight · 21/04/2021 21:11

Neurodiversity? What kind of neurodiversity?

Guavafish · 21/04/2021 21:21

Sorry for you... people don’t change and I think you have to accept your husband as he is... unromantic and mismatched sex drive.

I don’t think you have to rush and make a decision... take you time... and maybe start individual counselling to help you.

Sunflower1970 · 23/04/2021 17:54

I think you have to face up to the fact that you are mismatched sexually and emotionally. If he is saying he can’t give you what you need you might need to accept defeat and move on

LouiseTrees · 23/04/2021 18:00

I’d be more scared if I were him. A carer to your child ( therefore presumably not earning), losing your wife/girlfriend on account of some old trauma you can’t face up to. That’s no reason not to leave him though, you can just be friends and coparents and move on to get another romantic partner

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