Eating disorder returned

[48sun]

I used to suffer from anorexia and Bulimia in my early teens and throughout my twenties. You never fully recover from this condition but I learnt to manage it. I have very low self esteem having had an abusive relationship with my daughters father who I left when she was 3 - now 15 I have had a couple of relationships which ended abruptly with no explanation (always found out they had another woman or had been two timing) I met someone last year and fell head over heels only for the same thing to happen - it went silent. He lives 6 doors away from me and I see his car missing over night and obviously is with someone else. I have never felt so low and the eating disorder has returned as it is the only thing I can control and he has made me feel so worthless and undesirable that I don't feel I deserve to eat.

Please get help for the eating disorder. You may want to get this thread moved to MH/ED.

Seconding the previous poster. Please seek help via your GP or helpline. I have also had anorexia and agree that you never get over this.

Could you focus on nutrition rather than just food and deserving to eat. That helps me when i feel im sliding back. Its hard but it keeps me more in check.

Im a stranger but you are worthy of good health. x

the eating disorder has returned as it is the only thing I can control and he has made me feel so worthless and undesirable that I don't feel I deserve to eat.

You can control how you feel about yourself without the disordered eating.
He has made you feel that way because you let him but you don't have to any more.
Be strong, get help. You are worth so much more.
Hugs.

Your eating disorder has returned because it has caught you while you're down. Don't allow it to get hold of you again. It only goes one way - it will make you ill and physically & emotionally more vulnerable.
Please realise this.

Draw up a list of what you want in your life and your future.
The man that has made you feel worthless had his chance and is now part of your past. That's done.
Put your control into eating well and healthily - for the future relationship to come. Support your physical health - your mood will be better and stronger if you feed your body, and with good nutrition - and enough of it! Mood drops when blood sugar drops.
Eat, exercise, fresh air, distraction, good sleep.
Treasure yourself as you deserve to be.
Be your own loving best friend.
Do it! For your daughter's health and happiness.
Please fight it xxxxx

I'm really sorry to hear this, I have history of EDs as well. It's incredibly difficult when things are tough to keep making the choices that are best for us. I'm sure everyone who has suffered one understands how seductive they can be.

Is there anyone in your life who you trust at the moment to share how your feeling? I think it would be wise to see your GP for a check in and maybe some monitoring. If you aren't ready that for that I've always found the charity b-eat quite supportive.

What gives you positive feelings, what do you enjoy?

Your eating disorder is that bad bf that always appears at your lowest moment (bastard) and says everything that you want to hear but he’s liar and he will only make things worse. A devil will always be a devil however well you know him.

You’ve kept your ED in check before and you can do it again. Please see your GP, you need support.

@Colourmeclear
Thank you all for your kind words. I am going for regular walks and exercising although this is also to lose weight ultimately but mindful of the mental health benefits. My daughter is my world but spreading her wings more now that she is a teenager. I have a close friend who also has a ED so really understands the relapses. I guess I need to find a way to heal after the rejection from this man and value the things that I have in my life - a job, my own home and a beautiful daughter,.

It'll take time to process what's happened, unfortunately I know my ED does not like waiting and wants everything to be solved immediately. It just wants to do something even if it's problematic long term. I'm not sure if you feel similarly.

Could you speak to your friend? Maybe see your GP. It's not just about the big things either, there are small things in my day that encourage me to be well, things like my first cup of tea of the day which I know if miss if I struggled again, having the energy to do things I enjoy like walks etc. I spent many years being well for others before I decided to be well for me. It's really hard I know when your ED has such a purpose in your life but it does get better. Don't be afraid to ask for help. We all struggle along the way.