Can't remember clearly

[Sounsure21]

A few weeks ago dh and I had a child free evening. We had a good night but too much to drink.

I had remembered going to bed, but woke in the early hours on the sofa. As I was still tired I just headed back up to bed. No issue.
Later, when we were both awake, I mentioned waking on the sofa. We agreed that I had probably wandered off to get a drink/deal with pet and that's likely what happened.

Dh then went on to tease me, saying that I had been telling him how much I like a certain sexual act. I said I wouldn't have done that. He made a few more jokes around the issue and I said that definitely wouldn't have happened.

A few days later, I've recalled how I ended up on the sofa, or at least I think I have as the memory is quite hazy.
I think that dh attempted to partake in said sexualy act (which admittedly I have done before) and I asked him not to, repeatedly, but he didn't particularly listen to me. This resulted in me telling him he was hurting me, getting up and going downstairs.
I don't know how to raise the subject with him. The jokes he made the following morning, make me think he was checking my recollection and actually, he knew exactly how I arrived to be on the sofa.
What would you do in this situation? There is no history of anything to this extent within our relationship, we were both drunk and I'm not even sure my memory is accurate. Should I just leave it?

No I would not leave it at all. I would be contacting Rape Crisis and seek their further advice. He took advantage of your own drunkenness and you did not give consent.

I'll ignore the holier than thou PP

OP, how are you feeling? Assuming getting drunk to not fully recalling the evening is unusual? Could this have been part of a bigger idea of your husband's?

If you tackle this with him, how do you want it to go? How do you think he will react? Would he be appalled and disgusted at himself? Would he be able to genuinely frame the answer so you knew there was no I'll intent and it was just bad communication and mistakes? Or was he deliberately trying to do this, against your will and ultimately rape you?

Yes, maybe I should have drank less (a bottle of wine for what it's worth) and no it's not a regular thing to not remember.
I think he actually woke me in the night, which is contributing to the haziness, as I said, I recall going to bed and the evening.
I'm really not sure what his response would be. I think he would just brush it off, maybe that's what I should do too.
It's the fact that I think he remembered what happened and made jokes, checking if I remembered that is bothering me.
I am possibly over thinking things

No do not brush this off; this sort of issue comes back to haunt people. I would consider contacting Rape Crisis. This is all on your H; he did this to you. You were drunk and therefore could not willingly consent to any sexual acts.

If you woke up for a drink or to sort the pet you would have fully awoke up by then. So I'm sure you would have remembered that. Also half a bottle isn't really alot to get you into such a state that you can't remember. It seems like your gut is telling you something? If you were not intimate that night, then why would he bring up the sexual act randomly?

Its a tricky one. I think I would just say to him that you've remembered what happened to make you end up on the sofa. And see what his reaction is. You could then mention what you recollect and see his reaction and response. If he starts defending himself and says you were really up for it and asking him, then you know what possibly did actually happen and can question why he said he didn't remember as hes obviously lied about that. If he also cannot recollect anything it could have been innocent you just did a random sleep walk in the night.

You are entitled to drink a bottle of wine, or more if you wish, and not be sexually assaulted or have your husband repeatedly try a sexual act with you when you've told him to stop. It sounds like your husband knows something not quite right happened. As PP have said you need to see his response when confronted with you saying you believe the reason you woke up on the sofa after remembering going to bed is because he repeatedly tried to do something sexual that you'd asked him not to.

My main advice is to not let this fester - you need to have an honest and open discussion with him about how you feel, what you're worried about etc. My DH did something vaguely similar and I didn't properly confront him about it. We're nearly 10 years on and I don't trust him and our marriage is forever tainted.

I think since this is bothering you it is clear to me you need to raise it with him. Just tell him you remember now and how you feel. If you don't tell him you are then keeping a secret from him and that would not be good for you or your relationship.

How is he usually?

I'm sorry OP but it does sound like attempted rape.

Has he a pattern of asking for anal even though he knows you don't like or want it?

I think his comments the next morning were him trying to suss out how much you remembered, and laying the groundwork for his defence position of "you said you were up for it!" if you remembered more than he hoped.

I know it's incredibly hard to accept that the person who is supposed to love and protect you above all could actually be someone you can't trust. But unfortunately the vast majority (around 85%) of sexual violence cases are by someone known to the victim; 44% are by a current or former partner.*

I second a PP who suggested getting in touch with Rape Crisis.

*Source

"How is he usually?"

Why?

Thanks for everyone's advice and sorry for those who have been in a similar position.

I will raise it with him. Just waiting for the right time, which their never seems to be as I feel really awkward about it. I'm sure he will too though!