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Original poster

Tattoo of ex and jealousy

47 replies

taheje · 20/04/2021 21:30

Dh had a tattoo of his ex-wife's name when they were married, he had it changed before we met but every-time I see the tattoo I keep thinking of how much he must have loved her to get her name tattooed on him.

I just need to be told that I'm being over sensitive as I know I am really but it's making me so unhappy 🙁

OP posts:
ElizabethTudor · 21/04/2021 01:13

The issue isn’t the tattoo, it’s this:
“I'm obsessed with how much he may have loved her . I just don't know why I'm like this.”

He’s no doubt had numerous previous partners, who he has loved. Same as you. He just happened to be stupid enough to get the name of this one tattooed on him.
They split up. That tells you everything. He’s now with you.

wingsnthat · 21/04/2021 01:16

Maybe he just got the tattoo because it was a trendy thing to do as opposed to being that in love with her

Most people get tattoos without meaning, it’s not that serious

JustanotherTuesday · 21/04/2021 01:29

My husband has got the name of his first girlfriend tattooed on his arm. They've been spilt up for over thirty six years now. He had it done for a £5 bet which he admits was really daft. He has several other ones as well but hates them now and regrets getting any. It did used to bother me but I don't really think about it any more.
Somebody did once assume it was my name though and call me by it Grin

lwnbtsa · 21/04/2021 12:54

My mums ex has an a4 sized face portrait of my mum on his arm, Don't get me wrong, its a great tattoo and looks just like my mum, But they split up a few years ago.

I often wonder about the regret he must feel everytime he sees it now.

A name wouldn't bother me at all, But if he has had it covered up then I can't really see the problem, Even if he had it lasered off it still used to be there.

YoniAndGuy · 21/04/2021 14:31

No! It DOESN'T mean he must have loved her so much he got her name tattooed. It means - he was stupid enough when young to get a tattoo of someone's name which is idiotic, as well as naff as hell.

Don't you ever watch 'Tattoo Fixers'? OP, give it half a programme and you will realise that no, people do not only get tattooes of things they feel the most strongly about Grin

YoniAndGuy · 21/04/2021 14:31

@lwnbtsa

My mums ex has an a4 sized face portrait of my mum on his arm, Don't get me wrong, its a great tattoo and looks just like my mum, But they split up a few years ago.

I often wonder about the regret he must feel everytime he sees it now.

A name wouldn't bother me at all, But if he has had it covered up then I can't really see the problem, Even if he had it lasered off it still used to be there.

An A4 sized portrait of your mum OMG!!!
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 21/04/2021 14:33

In my experience, it's usually people who aren't very secure in their marriage, or relationship that get partners names tattooed on them.

DK123 · 21/04/2021 14:36

I would be quite flattered if someone got an a4 portrait of me tattooed on their arm.

Still, re OP's post, it doesn't really prove anything other than he was daft. I'm divorced, I could have so easily had a stupid tattoo to go with my decree absolute, but I don't. Not because I didn't love him enough to get one, only because I wasn't quite that stupid, although I was very stupid to marry him. I wish I'd just got a tattoo instead, because that would have been a lot quicker and cheaper to remove than he has proved to be.

TulipSandwiches · 21/04/2021 14:51

Yes, having someone's name tattooed on you is the only sign of true love. 💕 Not putting someone else first or committing yourself to them forever through marriage. Not deciding to have children with someone and raising them.Not spending all your disposable income on those children for twenty years. Not caring for them when they are ill. Not putting the bin out so they don't have to.

Tattooing their name on you.

wingsnthat · 21/04/2021 15:07

I just feel getting someone’s name/dob/face/signature tatted on you was part of pop culture wayyyy back in 2012. He just got caught up with the trends. It doesn’t mean he loves her any more than he does you. He’s hopefully grown up now!

Half of the tattoo ideas I wanted in 2012 were naff, and I’m so glad I didn’t go through with them.

VanillaCokeZero · 21/04/2021 16:49

OP have you ever heard of retroactive jealousy? Look it up. Does it sound like you?

VanillaCokeZero · 21/04/2021 16:50

Some posters are being so nasty. You clearly know it’s irrational and don’t enjoy feeling this way.

Maggiesfarm · 21/04/2021 17:00

You are being over sensitive as he changed the tattoo but what are you doing being involved with a tatoo'd man anyway? Tattoos are vile.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 21/04/2021 17:02

@Maggiesfarm

You are being over sensitive as he changed the tattoo but what are you doing being involved with a tatoo'd man anyway? Tattoos are vile.
Oh get over yourself.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/04/2021 00:03

@Maggiesfarm

You are being over sensitive as he changed the tattoo but what are you doing being involved with a tatoo'd man anyway? Tattoos are vile.
So is being a judgemental twat. Just FYI.
EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 00:36

He probably loved her in the moment, I'm sure if he had the opportunity to go back in time he'd never have had it done.
It's the silliest thing and maybe I'll be shot for this IME back in the day, the only partners who insisted on a named tattoo are the insecure ones.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2021 03:32

He was a cunt and I was an idiot.

Sometimes someone writes something that is pure poetry. So few words, so true.

Maggiesfarm · 22/04/2021 05:16

@EmeraldShamrock

He probably loved her in the moment, I'm sure if he had the opportunity to go back in time he'd never have had it done. It's the silliest thing and maybe I'll be shot for this IME back in the day, the only partners who insisted on a named tattoo are the insecure ones.
I don't know anyone in 'real life' who did that. It's so Katie Price!
mylovelydd · 22/04/2021 07:15

If he'd had it redone and surrounded in hearts and flowers and the words "I still love her so much!" then yes, you would definitely have a point.
But he had it covered and probably feels mortified whenever he thinks about how daft he was to get it in the first place!
He's with you now. That's all you really need to know.

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2021 07:20

It’s not about the tattoo it’s about your mental health. No one can diagnose you here, but the behaviour is unhealthy, I think you need to focus on why you’re like this, are you really jealous and insecure in other ways too?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 22/04/2021 10:01

You obviously know it's irrational OP, so I'd second the suggestion to try to get some help with that.

CBT can be really really helpful for intrusive thoughts like this. It can help you practise putting the thoughts to rest using rational thought and examining the facts. In most NHS areas you can self-refer for online sessions, either self-guided or there's a waiting list to have a practitioner involved.

This book can also be really helpful: Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Dummies - don't be insulted by the title! The "Dummies" books have been going for decades and I've found them so accessible and helpful.

Also, on a lighter note, just be thankful it's a now-covered name and not an A4 portrait like a PP's mum! OMG 🤣

LivBa · 22/04/2021 18:48

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

In my experience, it's usually people who aren't very secure in their marriage, or relationship that get partners names tattooed on them.
100% this.
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