I can't imagine a future in a LTR

[saltychoc]

I'm divorced, it was pretty brutal even though we didn't have children.
4 years later I've been dating and met lots of nice guys and had short relationships with a few.

I am now seeing someone, and although he's not perfect (as I am not) I could see we would/could have a good relationship and possibly a future ahead of us.
The thing I can see how life could be a great deal easier financially combining households, but all I see are the negatives.

Fine, don't ever live with the guy you are all screaming, BUT I would like to have children one day and I am 40 this year, so really I should get on it. Ideally I would like someone enough to want them to live with me and our child if I got pregnant with their baby.
Am I bonkers? I don't think it's them, they are fine, I'm not head-over-heads but I don't think they will ever happen for me again, the divorce although not massively damaging to me, has left a big impact on how I view 'romantic' relationships and I'm not sure I will ever be vulnerable in the same way again.
I can still be in a relationship and find it relatively easy to find decent guys to date - I just can't imagine ever being that into them - but the baby thing? That is something I really want.

IMO it's better to settle with someone sensible who you know will be responsible if you have a child than going for a head over heels blinded by lust relationship that doesn't last, not to say you can't have both I've just never personally experienced it.
Although you should of course only do it if you can really see yourself in a ltr with him.

I reckon if both of you would like a baby, you're both sensible, financially solvent and get on well as friends as well as being a couple then maybe throw caution to the wind and start trying now. If you really want a baby then it's better to do it now, assuming you both want this, than to wait for 'the one' but run out of time. I'm divorced but don't regret having my kids.

I couldn’t do this. I’ve tried before and it ended up in resentment. However a lot of people are fine in relationships where as long as you get along and have the same morals then that’s enough. If you are the type to not ever long for being head over heels for someone then you probably will be fine.

My DH was a slow burner and we are still together after nearly 30 yrs. initially it was fun and lust but over a few months a strong friendship grew. Neither of us was looking for a long term relationship from each other, apart from the initial sexual attraction neither of us has considered the other to be the one but it turns out we were. I had done the head over heels but you overlook so many issues when love is blind. Falling in love gradually lets you work through the pros and cons so you don’t end up disappointed when the high gloss varnish wears off.
We have been through some really difficult stuff, fertility issues, multiple miscarriages, difficult family bereavements, that would have challenged most relationships. DH recently tested us further with an EA with an ancient ex, but we have worked our way through it.