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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he just after sex?

26 replies

notginnalie · 20/04/2021 17:35

Started talking to A guy.
He asked if I wanted to meet for a few drinks next week.
I said yes (thinking he meant to a pub)
Then he's just text saying "shall I get some drinks in and we can get a takeaway "

As if mate !
Am I not even worth taking on a date?

Just after sex ?

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 20/04/2021 17:39

😂 can't blame him for trying

But nope, I'd be replying that everywhere has been shut for a year and now places are open the last thing I'll be doing is drinking at your gaff 😁

Pyewackect · 20/04/2021 17:40

Ask him outright , " are you only looking for casual sex ? ". If you're not convinced by his answer then don't waste anymore of your time.

KatherineofOregon · 20/04/2021 17:42

Yes, look at and suggest booking a local pub for drinks , during the day and see how it goes after that date. Have the daytime meeting and then say goodbye.

If you want to see him again say "look forward to seeing you again" and let him call you to arrange another follow up, again, away from your home.

You are worth more than supermarket booze and an Uber Eats 15% off for first 3 purchases.

Pyewackect · 20/04/2021 17:43

@happinessischocolate

😂 can't blame him for trying

But nope, I'd be replying that everywhere has been shut for a year and now places are open the last thing I'll be doing is drinking at your gaff 😁

.... sat in a pub garden this lunchtime. Bloody freezing and shockingly expensive. Won't be doing that again in a hurry.
notginnalie · 20/04/2021 17:43

Maybe I'm old or uptight but I would never go to a strangers house ive never met

OP posts:
KatherineofOregon · 20/04/2021 17:50

@notginnalie me neither and you are right.

Suggest a pub meet in between yr shared locations. I have never done OLD as not my thing. But, it works for others. Have a day time pub meet and see how it goes. Wave him off after date. No booze at yrs, no takeaway at yrs.

I would rather freeze in a pub garden than have some random anywhere near my home. Good lock OP.

autumnalrain · 20/04/2021 17:50

You’re not uptight. I wouldn’t go to someone’s house for the first date.

  1. Not safe 2. Very low effort on his part!
sageflower · 20/04/2021 17:51

Yep his response is basically saying come round to have sex with me as I'm far too lazy to leave my bed and at least meet you for a drink first.
You're not uptight but very sensible not to put yourself in the position of being under pressure to have sex with a stranger and potentially dangerous as you don't know him.

autumnalrain · 20/04/2021 17:51

See this as a sign that he won’t make an effort to wine and dine you and take you out on dates in a relationship

Sooobooored · 20/04/2021 17:52

What if you dislike him on sight?! Happened to me.

notginnalie · 20/04/2021 17:53

I've just blocked him.
After a bad relationship I'm looking for a bit of romance (cheesy I know)
No half arsed men.
I want to get to know someone.

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 20/04/2021 17:56

Well done on blocking him.

category12 · 20/04/2021 17:56

Yes, looking for a quick bunk-up.

If you think it's worth it, say "was thinking more like pub or something for a first meet".

category12 · 20/04/2021 17:57

Ah, cross-posted.

KatherineofOregon · 20/04/2021 17:59

"@Pyewackect Ask him outright , " are you only looking for casual sex ? ". If you're not convinced by his answer then don't waste anymore of your time".

No, i would not do this. Reeks of desperation. Do not ask him anything but , gently encourage a date that encourages time and expenditure away from the home. See how you both contribute to time and dates there after away from the home home getting to know each other.

KatherineofOregon · 20/04/2021 18:00

@notginnalie just seen yr update. Good for you. Romance will come.

notginnalie · 20/04/2021 18:12

I have another date booked in with another guy for this Friday who seems lovely.
He has booked a table for food and drinks(so at least he's trying )

OP posts:
KatherineofOregon · 20/04/2021 18:18

@notginnalie have a lovely time.

notginnalie · 20/04/2021 18:30

Thankyou
Hopefully he isn't just after 1 thing too.

OP posts:
RosieGuacamosie · 20/04/2021 18:33

You did the right thing. Sadly there are a lot of men like this nowadays.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 20/04/2021 18:46

Well done, any man who doesn't get how dangerous that is for a woman is at best thick, at worst dangerous.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/04/2021 18:51

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

Well done, any man who doesn't get how dangerous that is for a woman is at best thick, at worst dangerous.
Absolutely this.
ElizabethTudor · 20/04/2021 18:51

@notginnalie

Maybe I'm old or uptight but I would never go to a strangers house ive never met
Exacto-fucking-mondo. That’s before you even get to the cheapo aspect or the cringey Netflix and chill (shudder) one. Seriously, do blokes think women are happy to just rock up to a stranger’s gaff and crack open the booze. No chance.
KatherineofOregon · 20/04/2021 19:13

@ElizabethTudor excuse me

... only room for one Tudor Queen on this thread.

ElizabethTudor · 20/04/2021 19:20

Ha ha @KatherineofOregon. Hola!

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