Feel like I've ruined my life

[fhdnd]

It was nearly two years go since I was out with friends, having fun and going to college. I got pregnant at 17 and gave birth at 18 and all I can think is what have I done. I want to go home and have my tea made and go to sleep then go out the next day and speak to friends. No one wants to speak to me anymore, why would they? I try my best and sometimes I don't wonder how much longer I can go on. Everyone always says wow you're doing such a good job considering how young you are. When really, I'm not doing a good job. In fact I do the bare minimum just to get through the day. My baby is such an easy baby and I love him but I've ruined my life. I know this is my fault.

Being a teenage mum is hard it really is when all your friends are out living a different life to you . I had my son at 17 It wasn’t easy it was lonely and hard but as he became more independent and we both got older it became so much easier , he grew up with me , he was my little best friend always there to experience things with me . He’s now a 15 year old teenager and most of my friends are just starting to have babies whilst I’m nearly at the point of him being grown up . Just be strong and know that it gets easier .Xx

Play the long game. Get yourself through babyhood and use this time to decide on a career. Start your training in your early 20s. Youll have the baby stuff out of the way so you can focus on that and not get sucked out of the workforce by baby stuff in your late 20s early 30s just when youre hitting your prime. In many ways I wish Id done that. Get focused and have a plan.

Thank you so much for your kind replies you've all really made me feel better. My mum does offer to look after him however I always want to prove something. In reality, there's nothing to prove. Me and DP are going through a rocky patch at the moment. I'm going to look and see if there are any baby classes near me. Thank you everyone. ❤️

@fhdnd I still find I'm trying to prove "something" all these years later, it's stuck with me but it's been a driver more than anything else, let it motivate you, not depress you. But right now try to take the pressure off yourself, you have decades ahead of you to figure out what you want to do and how to do it, be kind yourself xx

Motherhood can feel difficult, thats why many women feel depressed and having burnouts. Its absolutely understandable that you might feel down. So I fully agree that it might be a good idea to talk it out with professional.

Nothing is ruined, you just need to change the attitude. Having a baby changing life at any age and not everyone is better prepared in their 30s. You still can finish college, you can find new friends (there some groups for mums where you can chat and have play dates, I was using Mush app), find a babysitter or someone who can babysit, so you could have a bit of time out.

I think it is to be expected that your friends will drift as your lives will be on different paths. A lot of friends are transient anyway and fit with different stages in your life.

Can you talk to your health visitor about other young mums in your area? Now that things are opening up it may be nice to have friends who understand your life now.

You will be fine. It’s not the path you imagined, but you will still have an amazing life.

This is a tough time, I don’t know anyone who found the early years with kids easy, regardless of their age.

There can still be fun nights out, if your friends abandoned you, it’s their loss. Find a new tribe, they don’t have to be the same age as you.

Do you have help, grandparents and aunts and uncles are usually lining up to babysit.

It will all work out. But ask for help, talk to your family and your GP about how you are feeling,

I'm the baby in your situation OP. My mam was 18 too. We didn't have much growing up but I felt loved and had the best childhood. That's all that matters. As a parent now myself it's nice to know that my parents should be around to see my kids grow up too

You will still be young when the baby is an adult! As others have said you've got lots to look forward to. You sound as if you're doing a fantastic job. But ask for help if you need it, no shame in that, parenting is tough at all ages.

You haven’t ruined your life. My mum had me at 17 (my brother at 21).

She started a really good career at 28 without interrupting it with maternity breaks.

Having a baby is tough and life will get easier for you.

You're just doing life in a different order and to be honest feeling you're missing out because all your friends are doing something you can't, that can happen at any point. Your independence will return and you will be young enough to enjoy it while also being able to point to the massive achievement of having raised your child....all by your early 30s.

I got pregnant and gave birth at those ages also, op. So I understand your feeling. I felt the same way. The first 2/3 years where brutal but it gets easier to get parts of yourself back peice by peice. But being you g you are also discovering and creating yourself as well. I also have a few close young mum friends that makes a really big difference.

One of my friends from school had a baby at your age and all her so called 'friends' drifted away from her, shes now 34 with a 17 year old daughter who is an absolute credit to her and her best mate. Shes been the best Mum I've ever known and is still so young she can do whatever she likes, it was very tough for her in the early years but she focused on her daughter and did an access course and got a degree when her daughter started nursery! Your friends are still so young they won't understand so you're going to need to be really strong xx I'm sorry if what I've said is no help at all xx

Play the long game. Get yourself through babyhood and use this time to decide on a career.

Absolutely this. I had a colleague who had his DC in his early 20s.
He said it was great as he was young enough to have the energy for them and then later he concentrated on his career uninterrupted.
He's very successful now and totally free with the finances to travel, go out and generally enjoy himself.

The first few years are HARD whatever age you give birth. But your little one will be 6-9 by the time you're still in your mid twenties so plenty of time to go out, make new friends and have fun.

The other advantage you have is your mum must be a relatively young grandmother and therefore, has more energy to help you out.

You probably feel like your at a very different stage of life compared to many your age. But stages in life come and go. Don't visualise your future based on where you are now. This is just the beginning for you, who knows what doors will open. I work alongside many young people your age and they all have their own worries and concerns also about choices they have made and what the future has in store.
Focus on making the most of where you are now, don't compare yourself to others, and remember it's never your circumstances, it's your attitude and mindset, if your determined to build a good life for you and your family, nothing can stop you.
Who knows in a few years others will be looking to you thinking how does she do it ?
You show them.

You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you.

Dream big and start planning. Where do you want to go in life? Set some goals and go get them!

You haven't ruined your life, honest. At your age I achieved two fifths of sod all. I waited until I was 34 for have a child and he (and his brothers) are my biggest achievements.

You have just achieved a big achievement much earlier than most of us. You are actually a high flyer and I hope you will come to see that too.

Opportunities are there throughout our lives. Right now you are more limited in what you can do but as your child grows, so will your opportunities.

Hang in there, it will get better.

Op just look at your son and see what you've achieved! Hes more important than a day out with friends... not that you can't still go out with friends but your life isn't ruined, it's improved by having this tiny human in it

@fhdnd take the help when your mum offers- as a wise friend once told me: there's no prize in parenthood for doing things the hard way.

As others have said there are many advantages to having children young. He will be at school soon and that will take a lot of the pressure off you. Think about what you want to achieve and go for it.

Ah OP you are truly amazing but you are only human too - all mothers are. Please reach out for help in real life (GP, family, friends, neighbours). And when you are through this tricky time you will have soo much to look forward to, that you can share with your lovely son as a bonus . You are very far from having ruined your life, it's hardly even begun and can still take you anywhere you want to go.