Ended short relationship over logistical problems. Too hasty?

[Yellowhighheels]

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice.

I'm mid 30s, have been OLD for 3 years wanting a partner and family and have made very few real connections. One was a couple of months ago, a really clever and interesting man. We bubbled, were exclusive, had a lot of great times and he even said he loved me.

However I have ended it due to a big logistical problem coming up. I have been accepted to a uni 2/3 hours from him to retrain. It's a huge opportunity and I never dreamed i would get in. He has a provisional offer for a job that to be honest is too good to turn down. There aren't many jobs in his profession and it would be difficult to find something near my course. We are both quite career (not money, more fulfillment) and academically focused but also a real match romantically and in terms of outlook, interests, sex, etc.

Given that we are likely at an impasse (I can't give up my course, there isn't one nearer, and I know he won't find another opportunity quite as big as this), am I being too hasty in calling time given that I don't start until the autumn, or would you say it is best to get the painful bit out of the way now while the relationship is still new?

I don't think long distance is realistic given it is a very demanding course plus I am thinking about children (people quite often have babies during training) and am not getting any younger.

He has suggested we carry on as we are for now, and he would keep an open mind although realistically I think he would pick the job (sorry to be one of those MNers who vaguely allude to a mysterious but very niche profession, it is actually a very well known job, just low turnover, underfunded and few really exciting opportunities).

I wouldn't be looking for anyone else in my current town as I don't want a repeat of this. In terms of us carrying on, it would be exclusive etc, not just FWB, but I can see it being a lot more hurtful in 6 months if he doesn't change his mind.

I know the relationship was extremely short and the move is a big spanner in the works, I just don't meet many men that I really feel anything for and am not sure if it is worth continuing to explore/ enjoy this, or at least approaching him with the conversation.

Sorry for the essay, I just needed to get this out!

Another vote for 2-3 hours being doable, if you want to make it work. When I met my DP one of the first things he told me was that he was going to be deployed in 12 weeks, meaning we wouldn't see each other for months. I never thought we would survive it, and didn't even know if we'd be together by the time he went (!), but here we are 5 years later, engaged and with a baby on the way!

You could see how the next few months go. However, you met him OLD, and you don't always get the best people on there, 2 months is early to judge if he's the exception. I think it's highly likely that you could meet someone during the 4 years at uni if you are open to it, there will be loads of opportunity. Either way, I think give this one more time but also carry on with your plans.

I definitely think too hasty... I would at least try and see how to goes. You might be able to see each other at weekends and having been to Uni, they do seem to have endlessly long holiday breaks as well. You might actually enjoy the set up of having time to focus on you and your studying during the week whilst also having someone you can visit at the weekend. I definitely found it suited me when I was ar Uni.

It sounds like he hasn't gone into it with his eyes shut and understand the situation and is happy to carry on... so what do you have to lose?

Well, as of tonight, he is in love with me and we are going to give it a go and see what happens

I met my husband online dating. He pursued me in the beginning as I wasn’t that keen because he lived 500 miles away! Initially we did every other weekend, taking turns mostly flying or sometimes driving or meeting up halfway. It was an 8 hour drive and somehow it was doable. About a year later he moved and we got married. I’d wait and see what happens. I think it’s wasted energy trying to work out if it’s best to be upset now or later as you really have no idea how things will work out x

Awww that's so sweet fingers crossed it works out for you guys!