What did you do exactly one year on from a split?

[leopardandspots]

STBX has asked to swap DDs weekend contact visit the weekend which is the exact anniversary one year on from when he left.

It’s a very long story but in a nutshell last June 27 STBX walked out. The catalyst was him sulking over my failure to wait downstairs poised ready to unpack a take away food delivery! But the reality was we’d had counselling over many problems for years, some documented on MN.

We are now divorcing and have lapsed into usual fortnightly contact visits for youngest DD.

In March I asked to change one single weekend in April. He reluctantly agreed, as a one off, but said that we must stick to the same fixed patten in the future. This was due to seeing his girlfriend at weekends and his commitments later in the year.

Then, having said we mustn’t change weekends at all , he just said he doesn’t want to have DD on June 26/27 and asked me to swap weekends. This will be exactly one year after he left.

He’s celebrating the anniversary of getting rid of me isn’t he?!

I thought I’d probably feel sad and reflective that day one year on from my marriage ending. Just wondered what other people did a year on from a split?

I couldnt tell you the end date of any of my relationships beyond "spring" or "after august bank hol but before schools went back" - it wouldnt occur to me to mark it in any way.

I think you should have a lovely day with your DDs without mentioning it to them.

Regarding the proposal there's a chance he's already said something. At Christmas he bought her a ring which was only ( according to him) about 12 weeks in. He told the children he didn't know what gift to buy the gf for Christmas so he asked a friend of hers (who runs a shop) to help him amd choose anything the gf liked. He said he didn't know it was a ring until it had been selected. Hmmm.

Honey roar- I will happily celebrate you birthday.

Regarding the condoms youngest DD confided in oldest DD who then told me as she’d said she’d want me to tell her if she ever faced this situation ( which I fervently hope she doesn’t!).

I think ravenmum is completely right about DC doing detective work without you asking, encouraging or wanting them to get involved. They do find it so destabilising and upsetting and don't want to keep it bottled up. Youngest DD regularly reports things like “I think Daddy may be looking for a replacement for gf as When he’s sitting near me he seems to get messages from someone else too” . Odd given the ring situation.

I just wish I knew. But I should detach. He interrogates DD about me though.

But of course you'll want to celebrate your anniversary on your own, that'll work perfectly for us as I was planning on helping DD1 move flats, so we can then take DD2 with us for our mini overnight spa break so she doesn't miss out.

ie making your planned weekend even better!

Yes that is the way to put it. Sort of ...actually that works well for us as we've a warm happy family time planned. ( Rising above whatever's going on with the gf.)

My exh's OW cheated on him a few years later. He then had another younger woman that he apparently proposed to, but who has since ghosted him. Several years down the line, I'm starting to wish someone would settle down with him - if no-one else will have him but me, what does that say about my taste?!