Where do we go from here?

[Babyrn]

Apologises if this is in the wrong place

I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't live with boyfriend but he comes here to see me and baby (2 weeks) regularly. Recently he's being acting different but everything I asked him he told me he was fine and nothings wrong etc. but earlier he told me that he feels like a failure and that he isn't a good dad or boyfriend to me and that he feels like we deserve better. I've told him he is etc but I'm not sure where to go from here.

anyone?

@Babyrn we're just moving this over to Relationships.

Your baby is only two weeks old so he hasn't had much time to get used to being a dad, let alone a good one. I wonder what he thinks it is like for you?

I don't know but I hope he isn't trying to exit your relationship. I would say the very least he can do is give you support at the moment, not start talking in such a negative fashion.

How old is he? I know it isn't uncommon for blokes to panic about fatherhood but if they have any maturity, it doesn't last long.

When I was pregnant he kept saying that he would be a good dad etc but he does help out with baby etc and he is a good dad

In what way does he think he’s not a good dad?

I think you should talk to him about why he doesnt think he can be a good dad. He may want to leave the relationship or he may just be overwhelmed (as you will no doubt be) having just had a baby!

Having a baby is a nightmare those first few weeks! He doesnt live with you so clearly you are doing most if not all of it. Do you live alone or with family? I think the focus needs to be on you.

Is there a reason you don’t live together? I think it’s understandable to be honest if he doesn’t feel like a good dad and partner - he’s not exactly pulling his weight with the relentless drudge of a newborn if he’s just coming to visit (presumably for the fun bits rather than the night wakings?) Plus all your attention will be on the baby and he’s likely feeling like a spare part, hence the change in his behaviour towards you.

Ask him what he thinks he needs to do to feel like a better father and partner and how he can make that happen. Get him to articulate it and take action. Don’t just let him whine that he doesn’t feel happy or useful and have you placate him or try to come up with the solution.

Thats a bit unclear. He is a father of a child, you are not married and he doesnt live with you?

I'd be a bit concerned he was paving the way to walk away from you and the baby altogether. 'I'm not a good dad, therefore it's best I'm out of your lives completely' sort of thing.

Give him small opportunities to step up and fill the 'good dad role'. If he resists, you'll know what hes really doing.

Benefit of the doubt he maybe is finding it hard to adjust since he's only visiting and not experiencing the baby stage full time? Do you have any plans to live together?

I live with my family as we're both young. He does stay over sometimes and help out with son in the night etc