Do you have a DF or DGF of Prince Philip’s age/generation? What is your relationship like?

[FaithHowellsYellowCoat]

I suppose maybe 80s and up?

With all the coverage it’s made me reflect on that generation a bit. DH’s father is 91 and seems quite similar to the late DofE in terms of self-sufficiency and a wide range of interests, military service etc. However although he’s fond of his family he’s not actually good at having relationships with his DC and GDC which DH and his DSis struggle with.

I think I’m just feeling reflective after the funeral yesterday. What are your relationships like with that generation? Or do you have fond memories of late relatives from that time?

*mid 80s and up

My DGF is 95. Ex Navy too. Still lives by himself, cooks, cleans, drives. He is one of the youngest to have seen active service in the war, signing up to the navy as soon as he could, though as he describes it “by the time I got out to the Far East, it was all over”. He spent DDay on the Isle of Man in training and I think has always felt he didn’t quite compare to his every so slightly older peers.

Relationship is better now than when we were younger, my grandmother was not very maternal and visits were rare and forced. Things a bit more casual now, and he has a common interest with my children (steam trains, looking at birds on walks) which makes things easier.

My Dad is no longer with us, but he was born in 1929.
We all have wonderful, loving memories of him.
If I ever meet anyone who knows him, I am also lucky enough to hear tales of what a lovely bloke he was.

However, surely this is down to the individual person. There are many people about now that are lovely. Equally I'm sure that there are loads of people who were born before 1940 who were less than lovely, same as people now in their 20s, 30s, 40s, etc etc.

My father is quite independent and self sufficient at almost 90. Felt very remote when I was growing up although our relationship has got better laterly. Never been close and we can't spend long together as we just wind each other up disasterously.

DGF, born 1925, died 2 years ago now, but we were very close.

He was very much a self-made man - grew up poor in the East End, son of grocery shop owners and started his own businesses after the war, ending up in the rag trade and then retiring very comfortably.

He had an especially close relationship with my brother, he would never talk about money matters with women in the family, just my brother and dad! We just rolled our eyes at this really... and tbh were fairly happy for them to deal with that, even though we were all capable of doing so too.

I loved hearing about his past - he was lucky to have a fairly uneventful WWII. The family he knew was all in UK, so no awful Holocaust stories as was the case for my other grandfather, and he was drafted late in the war then sent to a fairly outlying region to guard oil reserves as his RAF service. He did remember fascists marching through the East End though, and had lots of stories of slightly Trotter-esque wheeler-dealing after the war.

He was a very emotional man - no stiff upper lip there, but then he was East End Jewish, rather than a typical Brit!

My FIL is almost 90 and is closer in age to my grandparents than my parents (he had DH fairly late in life). He has a fairly distant relationship with all his grandchildren - niece and nephew are early teens, we have a toddler and one in primary school - doesn't really interact with them much other than to fuss about them possibly making a mess or hurting themselves. Pre-covid when we saw a bit more of him, he would read to our two which they all liked. He does have very limited social skills - he has about half a dozen anecdotes and struggles to have much of a conversation, not helped by having mild dementia so he repeats himself a lot and the fact he falls asleep at the drop of a hat means he loses track of what's going on.

All things considered, we all get on ok with him. He is clearly fond of his kids and grandkids, but doesn't really show it much. He has quite different views to me, but he hates any kind of argument so we have fairly superficial conversations where I pretend not to have heard all his anecdotes before and it's all very amiable.

I’m not sure it’s generational.

My Dad was born in the 20s and was in his 50s when we were born. We had a very close, loving, affectionate and supportive relationship. I really miss him. In the late seventies and early 80s he was changing nappies and coming home from work specifically to do bedtime.

I was a bit surprised to see how many people thought rude/abrupt and even racist behaviour was a generational norm......nope.

FIL is almost exactly the same age as the DOE. Very, very similar in a lot of respects - very much people of their time. Still totally with it mentally and, to be honest, other than getting a fair bit deafer, hasn't aged in the years I've known him.

He has a close, but distant at the same time relationship with DH and his sisters. Very formal in a lot of respects. DH does say that growing up it was like having grandparents as parents. I agree about the (same) anecdotes being trotted out every time we see him - and all in a very long winded way.

The DOE's death has really reminded us that, however well FIL is doing for his age (he is 100 next year FFS and still living at home with MIL), statistically he can't have that much longer. We're just glad that our 3 DC will all remember him.

DF born in the 20s. Military service, self-sufficient, strong work ethic, many interests, well-read, volunteered a lot. He wasn't racist or sexist in any way. Had a fairly close mentor type relationship.

FIL is about the same age (97). Get on fine with him, but have had rocky moments over the years as he is very traditional. He and MIL (now dead) had very traditional roles and it caused some friction between DH and I in the early days. I always felt he acted unfairly to his children - doted on DH (the only son) and sent him to private school. Let the daughters go to the local school as he assumed they'd just get married and have kids.
He's actually mellowed in his older age and I think I realised he is simply a product of his generation, with some attitudes which are so firmly entrenched he was never likely to change them.

He served in the war as an engineer, but rarely talked about it.

My grandfather would have been a similar age (died of cancer) and I was close to him. Thinking about it, he had no issues forging relationships with his children, step children and grandchildren and took an interest in everything we did. He didn't like to talk about the 2nd world war, was in Italy for awhile during and for some reason never touched icecream after something he saw but loved cricket, horse riding and racing. My dad brought a camel stool back from Bahrain when he was stationed there and one of my fondest memories of my grandfather was him "commentating" as my cousins and I raced the camel stool and various other items of furniture around the dining room. He also taught us the lyrics to some questionable songs, gave me my 1st glass of Port (I was 11) and had the patience to help me learning to drive my parents lacked. He was an amazing man.

My father on the other hand...joined the military, tolerated his sister and parents, fought with my mum whenever they were in the same house/country and never talked about his feelings. He did adore my son but died shortly after ds turned 3 and never got to meet dd (I was six months pregnant when he died). I loved him and we understood each other but I never felt the need to mourn him because I wasn't close enough to feel I'd lost anything when he died.

My dad lived to be 93; he died five years ago so he was close to Philip's age. He fought in WWII, was well educated, intellectually curious, open-minded, interested in keeping up with technology, and he had a great sense of humor. He and I seldom disagreed, and he encouraged me in every aspect of my life. I think of him often, and I still miss him very much. I did really feel for the Queen watching the funeral, but it was Anne that I empathized with most.

My dad was gentle and kind. From a large family and comfortable with little children but preferred polite ones!

@FaithHowellsYellowCoat

I suppose maybe 80s and up?

With all the coverage it’s made me reflect on that generation a bit. DH’s father is 91 and seems quite similar to the late DofE in terms of self-sufficiency and a wide range of interests, military service etc. However although he’s fond of his family he’s not actually good at having relationships with his DC and GDC which DH and his DSis struggle with.

I think I’m just feeling reflective after the funeral yesterday. What are your relationships like with that generation? Or do you have fond memories of late relatives from that time?

If he had lived my father would be 103. He served in the RAF but in a clerical capacity.

He adored his DGC and they him, but he wasn't what you'd call 'hands-on'. He was just happy to sit watching TV with them and they loved it!

He was widowed relatively early and war experience or not he wasn't self-sufficient at all and it was a blessing when he married again.

He had a professional role and was very well thought of in the community and had a wide circle of friends, all from very different backgrounds. A very matter-of-fact man who hid his emotions but they were very deeply felt.

Miss him and all the rest of my family and their friends of that generation. I wish the world today was a bit more like theirs.

Thinking about it, there are three gentlemen in their 90s (that I know of) at Church that I am quite friendly with.

They are all lovely. That I am aware of and have witnessed at various times, they each seem to have lovely relationships with their dgc and dggc.
However, I wouldn't extrapolate from that small sample that everyone in their 90s was a lovely person with good relationships with the younger generations of their families - I still think it is totally down to the individual just as it is in any of our 'generations'. I can think of another gentleman in his 90s that attended a course I did, who I didn't warm to at all.

My DGP's were both born in 1926. My Gran was the eldest by three weeks. When she was a little girl my Grandad used to visit her neighbours with his parents and she used to share her magazines with him. They married and soon after he went away with the army on WW2 to Greece and in one of his letters to her he sent her the military photo he had taken (the black and white portrait-type) and wrote 'forever yours' underneath it - we still have it in with family photos, she went to work on the factories.
My DGF returned, after the war he joined the police force and she worked in a bakery and won loads of competitions and trophies for cake decorating (think royal icing type decor) but after time they both retired, so she made everyone's birthday cakes and wedding cakes (including DH's parents wedding cake) for as long as she could. At one point she was suffering with a bad wrist and needed surgery on the tendons so could only use the one arm/hand to do things; I remember walking in their house to find them both in the kitchen, my DGF holding a bowl and my DGM mixing the cake batter with her 'good' hand!
They were married for 63 years, had two children, three grandchildren and my DGF got to meet one of their great grandchildren. My DGM passed away aged 91 in 2017 and my DGF aged 93 in 2020, both natural causes.

They were both fiercely independent and looked so fit and healthy, they didn't look their age at all. They both ate good food, DGF was the type who would eat every scrap even if he didn't like it because he hated wasted food which stemmed from rationing during the war. They both had good manners and really loved each other. We threw them a small diamond wedding party and as part of it we did a balloon release with notes on the end about what we were thankful for, and theirs said 'our family'.

DGF was a keen gardener too and also good at DIY. When my DGM passed away, you literally could see some of the light had gone from his eyes. He tried his best but it was like he gave up, and he seemed to get so much older so quickly. We always said if he went before her, she probably would have coped a lot better as women do tend to be more practical. When it was his turn to go, I took huge comfort knowing that being back with her is something he'd wanted for so long.

I absolutely adored them both and I still miss them so much, but I'm so grateful for all the memories I had with them.

My grandfather was 2 years older the PP. He was a fierce advocate for women having the means to be independent of their husbands and he was a good man. He saw awful things in WW2.
My favourite moment with him is when I fell asleep on his shoulder (I'd been on guide camp and was exhausted) and he sat absolutely still for 2 hours so as not to disturb me. He never sat still.
DS is right out of his mould :)

*than PP.

My grandfather lived to be 97, by all accounts he was a very traditional man and hands off father, my dad and his siblings called him ‘ the boss’ !
He was a farmer and so didn’t see active service, he was very hard working and didn’t like laziness.
But he absolutely LOVED being a grandfather, I’m the eldest granddaughter and he spoilt me rotten as a child! I got away with murder, stuff my dad would have got a smack for, he always had a secret stash of sweets for us and hugs were freely given.
He’s been gone 10 years and I miss him everyday.

My dad is a bit younger than PP - currently mid eighties. We have a very good relationship, I'd say, though we do argue about politics a bit. (Both left wing, but he is much further to the left than I am!)

I'm quite proud of him tbh. He was anti-racist long before it was fashionable to be so, and I get so annoyed when I hear people making excuses for old people who say racist things. My dad was telling them how wrong it was 60+ years ago. They have had plenty of time to get their heads around the idea.

He was pretty good in terms of feminism too. Always taught my dsis and me that we could do whatever we wanted. I think it helped that he had a very driven, ambitious mother despite her working class roots.

I think he had to be very self sufficient when he was younger because his mother worked long hours. I didn't know his father, but I get the impression he was emotionally quite distant. My dad has always been quite affectionate, though. He is the one of the kindest people I know, and would do anything to help anybody. He is a complete softie when it comes to my teenage dd, and would literally do anything to make her happy!

He is quite forward looking and adapts quite well to the changes around him. Uses a computer and an ipad, does online banking, online shopping etc. He has even learned how to zoom in lockdown.

I'm not as close to him as I am to my mum. We talk about emotions less and practical stuff more, but tbh, I think that's a personality difference as much as anything. DD talks to me about that stuff more than she talks to her dad. But if I needed his help, I know I could go to him. He wouldn't judge and he would do whatever he possibly could.

I feel very lucky to have kind and lovely parents. I hope that, one day, dd will reflect and feel the same about her relationship with me and dh.

My dad’s 90. He’s self-sufficient in his way I suppose, but also loving, warm and emotional. Very different background to Phillip tho. Self-made man from a very deprived background.

My grand dad would have been 117 now.

When I was born (a girl) he said better luck next time.

He was very sexist.

He was very self sufficient and saw dying as giving in.

He was a doc who went to Oxbridge. He used to go through the times obituaries to see who he knew had died. And would say. Ha! So and so is dead.

His children didn't like him much.

He used to shake hands with us when we were little and squeeze really hard and look for wincing.

OTOH.

He was well regarded by people who worked with him. An excellent teacher. Very good at his job.

He did his thing and. I suppose he was a patriarch. He expected everything and everyone to defer to him, meet his needs.

And he wasn't wrong. They did. With even a grudging admiration for his certainty.

He lived till 97. He saw things like cancer. Even death. As a weakness.

But he still was riding his bike to get the paper in his 90s.

Mixed feelings. I think.

My gf was born in 1923. He was a very strict father, very religious (Plymouth Brethren) and very interested in history. He had tense relationships with his children up until his gc were born, at which point, a switch flipped and he mellowed greatly. He and I were extremely close and I adored him.
My GM was born in 1926 and was wonderful. Quite proper, always wore beautiful clothes, makeup and jewellery. Lied about her age to become a driver during the war. I miss them both terribly.

By contrast, my other GM was born in 1903. Very quiet, very 'old' by the time I was born in the early 70s, shuffling about in a house coat and hair net. She was fond of us, but we were too big, loud, confusing for her and our relationship was not very close.

These stories are fascinating! Thanks for sharing

my dad is 80 this year, but was born in the 1940s. I think you mean people who were born the 1920s

Because my Dad was a teenager in 1950-60s. He was one of the first of the modern generation really. The first year not to do national service. He was very hands-on.

My grandfather was born in 1899. He fought in WW1 and was pretected employment in WW2.
He was a gentle humorous man, spoke deeply and warmly of people and very close to his family.
But there was a certain stiff upper lip, he was less hands on, he could make a cup of tea, but could not have cooked for himself.

Intellectually though he was a giant, (he translated philosophy books into English) and was very pro-women and equality, he had two daughters and he encouraged them to have careers and fostered an atmosphere of discussion and ideas.

He loved my grandmother with a passion and treated her with the utmost respect.

He had some ideas of his age and time, but I can't begrudge him that.

I am so sad that he died when I was just finishing university and I never really talked to him as an adult.