Chores problem

[Treshar]

So I am having problems with mostly my mom-in-law but occasionally also my girlfriend. I will describe in further detail below, but the generel problem is that they are not satisfied with how well I do my chores. I think though I have too many responsibilites, so I need to get told whether I am in the wrong or not.

In our home the chores are very divided. We got 2 active twin boys (7 years old). Its important to note that I have been unemployed for many years, struggling to find a suiting job for my master degree. This fact is key for the topic. In my country when being unemployed and receiving welfare, the government frequently puts me in workshops and sometimes internships - and generally expects me to seek jobs full-time. I have to document this online... My girlfriend works full-time (37 hours a week) in elderly health care.

My chores and responsiblities:
Managing economy
Buying food and other stuff (on bike, 3-4 times a week)
Cooking food
All Dishes
Taking out garbage
Vacuuming (once a week)
Make breakfast for children and get them ready for school
Follow them to school
Tidy up home (un-cluttering)
Handyman
Problem solver and communication to the world
Bug exterminator

Hers:
Lunch for school
Retrieve boys from school
Bath boys (3 times a week)
Laundry (1-2 times a week)
Bathroom cleaning (once a week)
Cleaning surfaces (once a month)
Take care of boys during afternoon if I am cooking (but mostly consists of cartoons or gaming)

I am OK with how it is. I have grown to accept it, although I still think that my girlfriend could help more. Problem for me is the complaints and the feeling of all my work not being appreciated at all. This grows over time into a spiral, because when nobody appreciates what I do, I struggle to find the movitation to get it done. Their counter argument is that I am unemployed and at home "doing nothing", so its very fair. Its true that dishes often are not taken before the next day and sometimes dirt can been on the floors, but thats my way to cope with having so many chores - on top of jobseeking and workshops. So what you think? Do being unemployed mean that you should do close to everything chore-wise? In my opinon I do pull the heavy weight, and if my mom-in-law (or girlfriend) want things to get done better, she needs to do help a little during workdays. Evening dishes would be sufficient for me.

What do you think women do. I used to do ALL the chores, all the childcare AND work fulltime nights because my ex husband was so lazy. I did this for many years until I got fed up and divorced him. he didn't work either.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

What do you think women do. I used to do ALL the chores, all the childcare AND work fulltime nights because my ex husband was so lazy. I did this for many years until I got fed up and divorced him. he didn't work either.

Me too - my husband started off as a thoroughly decent guy when I married him, but then life happened and he got addicted to alcohol. So I ended up working full time and doing all the kids/house/diy/planning stuff. He just about held down his job, that was it.

So OP has flounced. Surprise, surprise.

I don’t think you do enough, your wife has a physically challenging job, your kids are in school 6 hrs a day; plenty time to keep the housework up to date. You should be going the majority of it inc laundry.’
Get a job, any job!!

If you’re a SAHM/SAHM, you should be taking on some more of her chores as she’s working FT... I would expect you to do school lunches, school runs, laundry, bathroom and surface cleans.

It sounds like your girlfriend has a point, and you certainly aren’t exactly hard done by on the chore front!

I'd be pissed off you weren't working.

Your sons are school aged, and therefore presumably out of the house 5 days a week.

What do you do all day? Frankly, you should be taking a job stacking shelves in a supermarket if that's all you can get.

I have a post graduate qualification - but when my DC were small I worked as a cleaner in a hotel as it fitted in with the hours I could do. I now work in a profession that uses my qualifications - but I've never been unemployed in my life.

I'd have left you if I were your wife. You are lazy.

Super market work, driver, I would be so ashamed of myself for not having a job for 6 months, never mind a year.

I worked in the stock exchange. The market crashed on 1987 and I changed my career as I couldn’t have that happening again.

Yeah I took a drop in salary but the job security was my priority. Sometimes you have to change your plans.

I always think if the household pot of money is shared that both parties should work for the same number of hours. So while she is working hard you should be working hard. Whether that’s in looking for a job while unemployed or housework and childcare is no odds. You should both be working. So if the chores you have keep your busy all day that’s fine. If you have time to laze about the house that’s not fine as she presumably won’t be lazing about.

In my country when being unemployed and receiving welfare, the government frequently puts me in workshops and sometimes internships - and generally expects me to seek jobs full-time. I have to document this online

Why on earth aren't you pursuing these opportunities. The point of the workshops and internships is to get you back into the world of work in a new field. I live in a country with this system. The unemployment office try to place you in your own field first. If this is not possible they then try to get you into a new fields with retraining where necessary.

Sounds to me like you are just doing these things to make sure they don't stop your benefits. If it has been many years of unemployment surely you must realize you cannot get work in the field your master's is in so why are you still looking?

And you're not doing enough around the house either. Your wife is cleaning everything and doing laundry. As you are unemployed you should be doing the majority of the chores and you're not, despite what you might think,

Flouncy McFlounce Face.

@JackieWeaverFever

🤣🤣🤣 Okay crack on son....

for @JackieWeaverFever

Oh dear, did we fail to blow smoke up his arse about how haaaaaard it is to jobhunt and do an occasional workshop while also doing fairly minimal care for school-aged children?

I can't believe he didn't cringe himself inside out when he legitimately put "bug exterminator" on his list of household tasks.

Omg I'm so sorry thought I'd started a new thread. Have asked for it to be deleted. New poster here sorry again

@loosingmymind99

You need to go the relationship chat home page and click start a new thread. I would also suggest you take a deep breath and redraft your message with the over arching issue because that that message was too ranty/ difficult to read.

I mean, that’s pretty generous welfare. Sounds better than Universal Credit. I’d be tempted to be a bum care of the state if that was the deal. Letting dishes fester overnight and leaving the cleaning to your working partner is inexcusable, though.

You arnt doing enough chores

Bug exterminator
Communicator to the world
Problem solver.

I'm creased .

It seems like your happy to receive the generous welfare. You do not have to take a job in finacnies, you could do any job until one comes along more suited.

Your children are school age, out of the house 6 hours a day. What is it you do? Does killing a fly count as a bug exterminator? Doing crossword puzzle make you a problem solver?

If you dont like things the way they are, then get a job, any job and share the household chores equally.

Bug exterminator

Hey if it is Australia as PP suggested, those bogs could be ravening hordes of dangerous spiders. Well worth laundry!

This is desperate and I'm howling at "running the UN"!

You need a job, any job. Even with a job you'll still have to do chores like the rest of us!

This kind of the definition of cocklodger.