Obsession with men

[Freespiritxo]

I become obsessed with guys who I fancy so much to the fact I stalk them on social media, I constantly create fake scenarios in my head about us. At the moment I am having obsessive thoughts about this one particular guy but before it was an ex who left me, for about a year i would play scenarios in my head. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I do this. I know it’s not right or normal.

It’s also like I can’t be alone, I’ve always had a man in my life in one shape or form.. for the last 4 years.

‘ It’s also like I can’t be alone’ - Think you’ve hit the nail on the head there! Could you be distracting yourself from things you don’t like in your life by focusing on these men? Are you happy with how your life is in general?

I’ve had obsessive thoughts about men before and it was always when I was actually freaked out about something else and was using the daydreaming etc to take my mind off it. Trouble is it didn’t work too well as I spent loads of energy thinking about whoever it was and not the real issue.

@PriestessofPing at the moment I’m not happy atall in my life. I do use my imagination as a place to go when I don’t want to face reality or want to cheer myself up even though I know it’s fake

That makes sense. But it’s almost like short term gain (like the dopamine hit you get from romantic imaginings) but long term pain when even that coping mechanism gets out of control and gets obsessive?

I guess my advice would be to start with one thing you’re not happy about and try to tackle that, balance it out a bit? I think also it’s worth thinking about how we’re quite trained in our society to see a ‘grand love’ as a cure-all, like if we meet ‘the one’ everything else will fall into place. So it’s easy enough done to put a lot of energy into imagining and daydreaming from that perspective, even if logically you know one person couldn’t fix your life even if they were amazing.

I got really pissed off at work once when I fantasied me and a particular man had a full on kiss in the cupboard and it didn’t happen ...what a daft cow I was

Limerence.

Or you actually somehow exposed online each other to your respective vulnerabilities and bonded as soul mates.

Aspergers is my other guess. Also fairytale/patriarchal expectations.

Maladaptive daydreaming?

@KeeTcat

Please can you tell us how you’ve extrapolated Asperger’s from a two paragraph/ ~100 word thought-dump from the OP?

Either you are

1. A gifted MH professional who has dealt with so many 1000’s cases and your conclusion is therefore based on top-level expert knowledge.

Or;

1. Someone whose knowledge of Asperger’s is based on MN threads and other online resources which portray an inaccurate (and highly offensive) stereotype thereby rendering you not vindictive, but very ignorant (which to be fair would put you alongside many, many other MN posters). Or;
2. An ableist who is very prejudiced against autistic people, particularly those who don’t have learning difficulties.

I’m very happy for you to respond 1, 2 or 3. (my money is in 2)

I do this too OP. Its exhausting isn't it.

Currently had the same obsession for a year. We only met once, kissed once. Chatted for months though. I ended it because he is still on dating sites. Blocked completely but still every day, I look him up. Every night before I sleep, I think of him until my head hurts. I am desperate for him to find a way to contact me even though he has demonstrated clearly he doesnt feel the same as I do. Hes nothing special to look at, not particularly funny, theres just something about him and I cant let go.

Awful. And I sympathise wholly with you. All I can say is it does fade. Only with no contact and prepare it to take a while and for it to bloody hurt !