If a new man said he loves you during foreplay...

[PrincessPea11]

...Would you think it was just in the heat of the moment/ means 'I love sleeping with you' or that it might mean more? He hadn't been drinking.

I'm just interested what others would think, not reading anything into this!

We have had about 12 dates over 2-3 months, been sleeping over since the second (formed a bubble) established exclusivity, both want the same things re family etc. I will be moving 2 hrs away to retrain and he has great prospects where he is which is causing us to be keen but circumspect. It's not insurmountable if it goes well but it's not totally straightforward.

It's been a long 3 years OLD and I am enjoying getting to know this guy!

It was more cuddling than full on foreplay if that makes any difference, btw.

I’d say he’s fallen in love with you. Very sweet.

Are his feelings reciprocated?

Never believe anything said during sex acts, unless of course it's I want to wear your skin as a meat suit. Maybe pay heed to that, but I love you? Nah.

Is it just the once he said it? Did you say it back? Why not discuss it with him and ask to clarify. Be open and honest.

To me it sounds literal with no hidden agenda.

Aww lovely, enjoy

@Creepygnochi

Never believe anything said during sex acts, unless of course it's I want to wear your skin as a meat suit. Maybe pay heed to that, but I love you? Nah.

Thanks for that Creepygnochi I now have tea all over my laptop!

This isn't a lot to go on tbh. However by now after 12 dates I'd say that you both should have made up your minds on one another. Do you love him? Do you trust him? Your confidence in his character and him as a partner can only determine whether or not you feel his feelings for you are sincere.

I think I probably said this to my boyfriend after about 3 months - and in a similar scenario - immediately after sex in this case! And I had been drinking! I hadn’t meant to say it, it just popped out, but I definitely did mean it.....

I suppose the only way you’ll know for sure is if he continues to say it. Which he probably won’t, even if it’s true, unless you say it back. Have you? (If indeed you do love him?)

If my boyfriend hadn’t said it back (he actually asked me to repeat it loads of times he was so pleased/surprised!) I probably would never have said it again to him.... I wouldn’t have risked it.

He's great and I could very easily love him but am keeping a lid on my feelings as he would have the final say on whether the relationship continues given that he would have to move hence I've not said it back. I don't have any option to retrain closer to him, I've gone with the nearest possible uni (it was my first choice anyway). I've had a lot of crap with dating over the last few years hence not going all in and saying it back. I was tempted though! I think if he said it out of bed, and I knew he meant it, I would reciprocate.

He's said it twice now in similar circumstances. In less heated times, he's said a lot of other lovely things (and I have reciprocated/ said similar).

creepygnocchi that's really sound advice in case he tries anything like that!!!

If he says it again I will ask if it's real, just didn't want to be embarrassed if it was a heat of the moment slip.

He's said it twice now in similar circumstances.

I don’t think I’d be saying it for a third time if it hadn’t been reciprocated the first two... the first one you can excuse for it surprising you a bit, but the second is harder to explain.

Maybe it’s a good time to have a chat about where you are both at about the move?

Or you can carry on as you plan to - I’d just be aware that if he stops saying it, it might not be because he doesn’t feel it, but because he’s said it twice with no return.

Did you respond at all or just stay silent?

My ex told me that a woman he was dating for a couple of years but didn’t love used to say it occasionally after sex, and he used to reply “thank you”. I couldn’t think of anything worse, personally, than getting that back, but he thought he was being nice apparently! (He was a dick tho - actually I can think of worse - when I used to tell him I loved him he used to say “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” That was bad).

I think if he says it again, say it back (if you do) or if you don’t feel quite there yet, explain but at least tell him how great you think he is.

Good luck! This sounds like a lovely new relationship for you.

I didn't ignore him, I smiled and looked him in the eyes and gave him a kiss and squeeze. Just wasn't sure what to say and thought nothing was better than thank you!

I have really low self esteem which I think helps me assume it would have just been something said without thinking rather than meant, although he is lovely to me. Also, the first time was a bit earlier on and there had been a drink or 2 involved come to think of it so I assumed he was just being tipsy and passionate

Don't they say alcohol gives a person the courage to do or say what they wouldn't sober ?

@MrsMaizel

Don't they say alcohol gives a person the courage to do or say what they wouldn't sober ?

This! I was actually a bit pissed when I said it to my BF the first time, and I wouldn’t have done otherwise - but it was definitely true! And he would probably never have said it to me, because he told me afterwards I had managed to somehow convey the impression that I wasn’t that in to him, and he thought I just saw him as a summer fling.....

OP, it totally sounds like he is really in to you. And you sound really in to him! Why don’t you say it to him next time? (If you feel you mean it, obviously).

This thread is heartwarmingly lovely. So many threads on here about shitty guys - lovely to read one where the OP and her fella both sound so lovely.....

I think it was Hillary Clinton whose mother said, never trust a man with an erection. It’s a good point I think.