Best way to mentally move on from someone you really like?

[Willow79]

I met a guy through work & found him attentive to me in particular from the word go. It came to a point where some gossip was flying around about us & we both pulled back though never discussed it. I wanted to be professional but felt a real connection.

I asked him to be my plus one to an event at one point - he 'regretfully' said no due to prior plans. I thought this might be an excuse but it became clear it wasn't. However he never asked me to do anything after that. On one occasion during lockdown I saw him on a walk with a woman - I didnt stop to talk to him & mentioned it the next time he contacted me. He said she was an old friend & that he wished I'd said hello. I replied & said next time he is in my neck of the woods, we should go for a drink. He didnt acknowledge it!

Then on Christmas Day he got in touch to my surprise. We talked back & forth and we do this now every couple of weeks. I've now discovered he is still single but I realise that for whatever reason he is never going to ask me out. He is a fairly shy guy but I've given him enough 'ins' to make a move now.

It has left me with feelings of disappointment because I rarely meet someone I have this connection with. The difference is they have all made move in the past. Best ways to move on from him and not take it so personally?

Thanks @CoconutMaracas. I hope so! I used to go to those types of meet ups in my old city. I didn't meet anyone romantically but I wasn't like you - I went to them infrequently so the chances were low. I did meet my last ex at my theatre group.

I also think I need to be more discerning in future. Not write people off but also not ignore small red flags either. I feel I will be dating more with my head as I'm late 20s, going into 30s. I always put my heart first before but I'm not sure how sensible that always is.

As I entered my late 30’s I got militant. I dumped one guy because he didn’t walk me to the station in his area when it was pitch black and I had to go down an alleyway. We went out for six months but that one act - nah I thought , he’s not a keeper. I got better at not dating me red flag and getting rid sharpish of mr amber flag! I went on a lot of dates and really threw myself out there. It’s summer soon, perfect date weather ! Picnics, cocktails, walks .. x

You are still really young too. I remember feeling I had to meet someone before I turned 30. Really ( if you want a family etc) you have a good few years yet, so don’t worry.

He's just not into you. Sorry.

You talk about the chemistry at the beginning etc. While that might have been the case then, perhaps with time he doesn't feel the chemistry any more or for whatever reason doesn't fancy you anymore.
This happens all the time. You click with someone but then after a while the attraction wears off.

You asked him to be a plus one at an event and he declined. Then you suggested you go for a drink and he didn't acknowledge it.
So therefore, he is not into you.

You say you want ways to move on mentally from him yet your follow up posts are all along the lines of "He might like me, but he's shy" or other reasons why he hasn't made a move.

The first step to moving on mentally is to accept that for whatever reason, and it doesn't matter what the reason is, he has not made a move and is not going to. Stop trying to think of reasons and accept it as it is.

Then you will be ready to move on.

Maybe there was genuinely connection/chemistry at the start and still is, but he didn’t see you as “proper serious dating material” for some other reason?

I know I’ve been in situations where guys have genuinely found me cool and physically attractive (they’re always checking me out/giving me the “look”)

But due to things like finances/career compatibility/me being a bit anxious/ASD with a difficult family they don’t see me as a serious prospect.

Guys don’t just think with their eyes and hearts and penises, they do look for other stuff.

Same as I’ve felt chemistry with guys but for reasons I don’t want to directly tell him I don’t want to get involved.

And if he uses internet dating he probably thinks he has lots of other easier options.

Either way I agree best to see as lost cause!

I let a guy through work, felt an instant connection. I got the sense he liked me too as he gravitated towards me, we spent a lot of time together, could feel him looking at me a lot. Rumours all around the office, as with you. I sent him a lot of hints but got nothing.

In the end, we went out drinking and I outright asked him if he thought we should be a thing. Got an enthusiastic yes. Turns out he had never dated anyone before and was just super shy about making his move. We’re married now so it was definitely worth putting myself out there!

So to sum up op, why don’t you ask him directly. If he turns you down, move on, end of. Life’s short!