Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Asked my husband for divorce- not going well

7 replies

Mama12345678910 · 17/04/2021 17:37

Hi all.
So I’ve told my husband that I want a divorce. We’ve been together for 8 years and married 3 and have a DS (1 year old) together. After a DV incident last year we agreed to work on our marriage together. The issues were surrounding money and his spending, his drinking, his disrespect and emotional abuse and laziness. Things got better for a time but have gone back to the way they were. I’m done and there’s too much water under the bridge now. I resent him for what he’s done and how he’s made me feel and for me there’s no going back. I know I’d be mentally better off out of the marriage. I’ve explained this and was at first met with sadness, then anger, then sadness and now begging me for another chance. I’d be lying if I said there was anything he could do to make up for what’s happened and I’ll never be able to get over those things.

I want to be able to amicably co parent and get along as best as possible for our son but he’s moping one minute then angry the next. I do feel bad when he’s crying and pleading but just like I would any one who was visibly upset.

I guess I’m just looking for some moral support and of others have gone through that same that these cycles of anger and sadness do subside. We have to live together for another 2 weeks until he moves out.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 17/04/2021 17:41

Remind him he had another chance already. Stiffen your resolve and tune him out. He's had lots of chances to be a better husband and father, and he's bloomin' lucky to have had the chances he's had.

Sideorderofchips · 17/04/2021 17:52

He will be an emotional roller-coaster because it is an emotional roller-coaster.

Yes they do get easier but to be told your spouse wants a divorce is heartbreaking.

Carbara · 17/04/2021 18:36

Heartbreaking, eh? Should have thought about that when he was committing domestic violence, then. Ignore his crocodile tears and if he even hints at abusing you more, get the scum arrested.

BackyardDeckchair · 17/04/2021 18:40

Oh, this sucks. You're doing well so far- I had a relationship with a git like this and waited until I was visiting parents to tell him via text and then blocked him. We didn't live together though.

Is there anyway you and DS can move out somewhere (hotel, friends, relatives?) for the two weeks you need to wait?

Mama12345678910 · 17/04/2021 20:24

Hi all thank you for the replies. I am staying strong and have reminded him this has been a long time coming after countless chances and conversations. Saying he’ll change now means nothing and I have fully made up my mind. I do get your point about heartache etc and I do think he’s sad, however this is due to his actions and inactions so he doesn’t have anyone to blame but himself. Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect everyone makes mistakes but the continuous mistakes and nastiness and arguments I can’t forgive or forget.

Unfortunately due to his job we live far away from all family and none of our friends have room and I can’t really sleep on peoples sofas with a just 1 year old. I would like it if he moved out sooner but he has no money as he’s spent it all so needs to wait until he is paid.

OP posts:
FredWinnie · 17/04/2021 20:35

@Carbara

Heartbreaking, eh? Should have thought about that when he was committing domestic violence, then. Ignore his crocodile tears and if he even hints at abusing you more, get the scum arrested.
Well said and seconded

Stay strong OP

everythingbackbutyou · 17/04/2021 20:59

I'm so sorry. My ex was exactly like this for the month we were under the same roof and it was so hard (not because I felt sorry for him though - his behaviour had pushed me way past that point). It was all display and bullshit though. Within a month of moving out he was seeing someone else, 18 months in they have bought a house together and will soon be married. @Mama12345678910, you are totally doing the right thing, and I stand beside you applauding.
@Sideorderofchips, it is also heartbreaking to discover the person who is supposed to be most supportive and loving in all the world actually wants nothing good for you and doesn't give a shit.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page