I could really do with any form of advice...
I got pregnant with twins a few months into seeing a guy, he was a friend for a long time and we’d always been very close. We decided we wanted to be together and have these babies. We were form two different cities at the time, I owned a 2-bed apartment that was big enough to house my babies and my family/friends are here so we decided we would carry on living separately and raise children here. I did not anticipate how hard pregnancy and raising the babies would be he would come for half the week then go back to his home. I started to grow to resent him because he had this ‘other life’ and was free to do as he pleased when he wasn’t here. I suffered with post-natal depression and it was hard!!!!
Fast forward a year and a half we still live separately and I am pregnant again I took the morning after pill because he said he would not move here, I suggested any other city but not where he is from and he said there was no point in that. So it was London or nothing. Financially we could not afford a property there not a chance, we both work part time and we’d have to go into social housing this was his only suggestion. I do not want to sell my property to move to a city I cannot afford to live in or own a property. And I don’t want to raise my children in London. My family have also been my rock throughout raising my children so far helping me in his absence and I don’t think I could bear to be so far away from them. I want a house with a garden for my little girls which is more than affordable here if he was to assist. I’m now back and forth what to do with the pregnancy, I would need to sell regardless and buy a bigger place but on my wage it is going to be tough to do by myself and with my partner refusing to buy a house I will be doing it alone.
The relationship has basically broken down because he is not willing to make any sacrifices or compromises to accommodate a third child that he says he wants. Equally I know he doesn’t want to move here and I don’t want to force that upon him but if we can’t agree where to live I don’t see why we can’t just buy here temporarily.. he says he will be keeping his flat in London regardless and this is a massive cost that takes away from any of our future plans.
We’re at loggerheads most the time and we’ve honestly realised how different we are, religion culture, family, beliefs sometimes it seems we at completely different ends of the spectrum. He’s a playful dad but doesn’t seem to help with all the hard work I will sort the girls in almost every way whilst maintaining the house whilst making him dinner and catering to him. I’ve asked for help so many times and when I do it’s yes I’ll do it but on my terms and when I’m ready. I find this highly irritating when he isn’t doing anything!!!
I know the relationship is basically over and it’s now become an uncomfortable environment as he still comes here every week for a few nights and stays in the same bed but we don’t talk. I don’t know what to say anymore. I breakdown most days because of the stress of contemplating abortion, shared custody of the girls in different cities, financially supporting a third child and sorting out bigger housing in 6 months. I feel completely alone and he doesn’t seem to understand or care.
Am I crazy to even think of having this baby? Should I be more understanding of what he wants?
He doesn’t drive either with is another annoyance I am expected to drive to ldn to see his family which i don’t mind on occasion but then he will complain we should be going more frequently however he doesn’t realise how big of job it is to pack up two 15 month olds drive 3hrs down to london to spend the night in his 1 bed flat with 2 travel cots that the girls refuse to sleep in and we barely have room to move around. His flat is not even finished the kitchen is ripped out their is no over and bathroom has not been done but we manage to get some warm water. It is uncomfortable and hard work but I still do it and it’s never enough. I feel he has all these demand and expectations but doesn’t put in any of the ground work. His response is always ‘so we have to struggle for a bit’ he’ll say I’m not willing to put hard work in or be out of my comfort zone. However I don’t understand why I need to choose to struggle???
We are just so different!!!!! Sorry I went on!!! Rant over.