I've known my bf two years, been more 'serious' for a year or so, ie see each other most weeks, been on days out etc. We both have kids, he's met mine (briefly) which went well, both sides liked each other.
However, progress has stalled. He is several years divorced (I've seen the papers!) and his exwife has a partner of about 18 months. However, his ex doesn't know about me. I've asked him to tell her, initially I was quite relaxed but recently I've spelled out that it makes me feel sad to be a 'secret'. It also means that occasionally our regular weekly visits will get moved or cancelled as she books something on 'our' night, not realising that he would have been seeing me!
He claims that when he told her of a girlfriend in the past his ex got jealous, made his life with kids hard etc. Their kids are young teens. Thing is, I don't see why she shouldn't know now, as she is in a relationship herself! I can see that she does seem to like having both her bf and exh in her life, she calls him to chat quite often and they have a closer relationship than may be expected, to the extent that his ex wife's new partner has apparently asked that her exH be less involved in her life. It is all quite odd and very different from my amicable but fairly disinterested relationship with my ex husband, we only really chat when needed about the kids. I know I have no issue with my exH knowing I have a bf or me knowing about his gf. I find it all very weird, it's like he's got one foot in the old marriage and not moving on.
He calls me most days, we see each other most weeks, he could have a future with me (my work is going well, happy, comfortable life) and I've put no pressure on meeting his kids until he feels ready (no more meetings planned with my kids). I'm just bemused and uneasy about being a secret from his exwife.