Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was I in the wrong??

40 replies

confused273 · 16/04/2021 23:10

I was speaking to a guy on hinge and we managed to go on one date. It was really nice and he admitted that he really liked me and was hoping it would go somewhere. With covid and him living quite far away, we didn’t really get to meet up much. In this time I met someone local through friends and things were becoming quite serious.
I thought it would be the decent thing to do to tell this other guy. So I texted him saying that I am seeing someone else and I was really sorry - he said it was okay.
I texted him a few days later as I came out with it quite suddenly and thought he might feel a bit rubbish, so I reassured him that it wasn’t anything he did wrong and that I really enjoyed talking to him and I think he’s great. Because I thought this was better than being ghosted, right?

He responds to this with “what are you trying to achieve here” and “lol you’re overestimating how shit I felt about it”. I explained that I was simply just trying to be nice and explain rather than just end things without any explanation. He goes onto say “you’re acting like it was a break up, weird”, that I think I’m a hero and that I wasn’t nice at all, and that “you’re implying I gave a shit”. He then goes on to say it wasn’t that deep, I’m a psycho and that my head is gone, and “when was the last time your head was checked out?”

This has made me feel like I’ve done something really wrong, okay maybe I was overly nice and overestimated how upset it might have made him, but surely it’s better for me to be too nice than not explain at all? Can anyone see it from his point of view??

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 16/04/2021 23:31

He sounds like a massive tosser.. But second text was unnecessary and you've basically given him the impression that you're flattering yourself. Save your kindess for someone who deserves it.

Pebbledashery · 16/04/2021 23:31

Kindness even.

confused273 · 16/04/2021 23:31

Yeah I was pretty wrong about him being wonderful 😂 I didn’t respond those and he is now blocked

OP posts:
Koalaifications · 16/04/2021 23:32

He was possibly entitled to feeling a bit upset, especially if you've been chatting over lockdown and that intensified things a little. He maybe had a date with you pencilled in as a nice thing to be able to do.

You messaging was never, ever going to make him feel better. It would have just been empty words.

And he sounds like a prick, so you've not lost anything anyway. Don't give it any more thought.

autumnalrain · 16/04/2021 23:34

Yep second text unnecessary and could come across egotistical because you’re assuming he’s so heartbroken that he’s lost you. I would be slight miffed to receive it

Enough4me · 16/04/2021 23:35

You both have freedom of speech. You have the right to say you are not interested, he has the right to say he wasn't bothered. That's life and time to move on.

Cherrytree1621 · 16/04/2021 23:38

I would've left it at the first text. However seems like you've dodged a massive bullet with the way he then responded to your second message. Focus on yourself and forget about him.

NoParticularPattern · 16/04/2021 23:39

I mean I think I’d have lost my temper too if you’d sent me a second unnecessary text after you’d already told me you’d moved on. Probably wouldn’t get abusive though- dodged a bullet perhaps. It’s always worth remembering though that “I don’t want to see you again” is more than good enough as an explanation to someone after only a couple of dates. You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone, least of all a bloke you barely know.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/04/2021 23:40

Your second text made him feel like a twat. Then he acted like a twat.

Some men are trained to deal with rejection from women very poorly. He clearly does and so it's a lucky escape.

Sandra15 · 17/04/2021 00:09

@Wtfdoipick

2nd text was ott, it does sound like you think he should have been pinning after you.
I don't think it does. I used to feel guilty for dumping boyfriends and had some weird feeling that I should have been grateful if they went out with me at all, so I often stayed too long with men I should have binned. I can relate to that. I probably wouldn't have sent the second text now, but years ago I might have.
MarshmallowAra · 17/04/2021 00:11

@Enough4me

You both have freedom of speech. You have the right to say you are not interested, he has the right to say he wasn't bothered. That's life and time to move on.
But he didn't just say that did he, he started putting her down and questioning her sanity.
BlueDahlia69 · 17/04/2021 00:18

it was cringe 😏

Imjustsootired · 17/04/2021 00:28

@confused273

I dont think your second text was "weird". People on here are such twats sometimes

You were trying to be nice, you are obviously a decent person and thought an explanation in this world of ghosting was the right thing to do.

His reaction screams hurt. It doesnt sound nonchalant or couldn't give a shit AT ALL. Hes hurt, a bit pissed off and it shows. If he didnt care...he wouldn't have even responded and certainly not full of anger!!

You hit him where it hurt. Not intentionally but you hurt his feelings by rejecting him for someone else. No one likes that. You knew that anyway, which is why you sent the second text

You did fuck all wrong. He needs to relax xxx

saltychoc · 17/04/2021 00:39

I wouldn't worry about it op he sounds massively sensitive and you may have dodged a bullet. Block and move on.

Norwolf · 17/04/2021 00:53

You did no wrong OP. Fair enough the second text wasn’t all that necessary but he sounds like a dick! Enjoy ur dates with the new guy Grin

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread