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Original poster

How long did it take you?

15 replies

Br3style · 16/04/2021 21:37

I'm fed up, stressed and sad.
Relationship is sinking by the minute. I feel like I'm forever in this loop.
Things are bad, I adapt things are okay, maybe sometimes better, things are bad again.
I'm always told you'll leave when you've finally had enough but when will that be!?!
Wondered how long it took others to finally leave....

OP posts:
Original poster
Br3style · 16/04/2021 22:26

Bump

OP posts:
B1rdflyinghigh · 16/04/2021 22:40

I drove home with tears in my eyes because I didnt want to go home.
With my ExH, my Mum had died and I suddenly realised that life was far too short to be with someone who didn't fulfil my needs and who never actually supported me when she was dying.

MrsDukeOfHastings · 17/04/2021 01:23

They say on average it takes a woman 7 times before she leaves an abusive partner (not saying yours is at all) but maybe the same applies when you don't initially leave when things aren't right?

BlueDahlia69 · 17/04/2021 01:41

@B1rdflyinghigh

I drove home with tears in my eyes because I didnt want to go home. With my ExH, my Mum had died and I suddenly realised that life was far too short to be with someone who didn't fulfil my needs and who never actually supported me when she was dying.

this us heartbreaking, I hope you found the strength to leave.

pixiecircles · 17/04/2021 03:06

two and a half years. I wish I'd gone earlier, we were back and forth for a long time. I made him leave 3 times before it was "final" in my head.

It's so difficult but it is absolutely the best thing. I doubted my decision every step of the way until the last time, but the minute that door closed I felt free.
I haven't had a single second thought since that day.

Sending strength OP Thanks

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2021 04:03

I'm always told you'll leave when you've finally had enough but when will that be!?!

Why would you throw away even more precious time when you already know it's over? This is madness.

Original poster
Br3style · 17/04/2021 06:51

Thank you all for sharing Thanks
I always feel strong at first but then weaker by the minute and my mind convinces me that whatever happened isn't worth chucking everything away.
I have to remember that's not my problem, I didn't make the mess.

OP posts:
B1rdflyinghigh · 17/04/2021 06:57

@BlueDahlia69
Yes, I left, on both occasions.

harknesswitch · 17/04/2021 07:07

I'm one of these people that has to be 100% sure a relationship is done before I leave, I can't force it either. It does mean I stayed in crappy relationships longer than I should, but it's normally a case of 'the straw that broke the camels back, with my exdh it was when he had a go at me for putting a pan on the wrong ring, my exbf it was when he moaned about me riding my bike to his hobby. All silly little things but poof off goes my feelings and I walk without a backwards glance. Lovely as I know I made the right decision and I have little time or inclination for mourning, but it does take time

Newusertothis · 17/04/2021 07:56

Hi
It has taken me 3 years, first split in 2018 for 6 months then had another 2 shorter ones in the years following leading up to this year.
I have finally asked him to leave this week and hoping i can stay strong enough not to let him back in.
good luck op, it sounds like you know your ready.

DinosaurDiana · 17/04/2021 07:58

You need to ‘get your ducks in a row’ so that when the time does come you are one step ahead of him.

cupoftea2021 · 17/04/2021 08:00

When I felt like you do.
It was my stability I was craving not a up and down relationship.

everythingbackbutyou · 17/04/2021 08:36

@harknesswitch, same here. I knew that there would be no going back once I told exh I wanted to separate, so I took the time to make sure I was certain. From the first time I realised leaving was an option, it took me 2 years to get ready emotionally and practically.

litterbird · 17/04/2021 09:30

From what I see with people around me and myself, you have to go through a process of wanting to leave, you leave, go back, leave, go back then eventually its enough. Just the smallest thing will trigger the final stage. Then that is it, not a backward glance at all. You might not be there yet but you will know when its right. If you leave before that process has been done you are very likely to return and you are back in that loop....only you will know when you are done.

Shooshybobs · 18/04/2021 09:40

It took me about 2 years to finally leave my exH and 2 years were miserable but as you say your mind tricks you with other factors and then you think 'is it really that bad? Am I overreacting here?'
Then you imagine the fall out from it all and think it's easier to just plod along.
Have to say I'm 18 months past leaving and couldn't be happier though and every month that goes on I'm more and more confident that it was the right decision

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