When does it stop?

[Uberstar]

My husband walked out and left me and 5 children late October last year, no indication anything was wrong, it was 5 days after my nans funeral. He’s never really given a reason why.
Genuinely wondering when the pain, hurt, confusion and sadness stops?
It’s been 5 months, but I still think
About him before I go to sleep, and he’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. I miss him so much, I miss my old life, I miss being a family.
I hate my new life, I hate being single, I hate sleeping alone and having no one to turn to.
I hate that I love him but I can’t stop feeling the way I do.
He keeps telling me things will be ok, but it’s all on his terms, he lives the single life when he wants and dips in and out of family life when it suits.
I feel just as hurt and upset now as I did when he left 5 months ago.
The thought of feeling like this for another 5 months makes me feel so sad

Hi OP, I was in your position twice when he walked out. I could barely put one foot in front of the other and identify all the things that you have said in your post, he was my life. Now 20 months on I look at him and feel absolutely nothing, he is a complete stranger to me and I don't like what I see. I feel so content and it has been a slog but you will get there.
I know it sounds a cliche but throw yourself into being as busy as you can, maybe some redecorating to put your stamp on things or treat yourself to some nice things.
It will get better promise me. One word of advice, do not let him dip in and out of family life, he made his bed he now needs to lie in it and trust me they don't like the harsh reality of their new life once it sets in. Good luck and be strong, you will get through this

Im so sorry OP, but your husband is treating you horribly. He left you with 5 kids just after a family funeral and is living the sweet life while you drown in dispair waiting for him to come back? No. Go and see a solicitor and get your ducks in a row. Tell him you deserve more than this. 110 percent theres another woman ( there ALWAYS is in situations like this) Tell him you know theres someone else and you deserve more than to be someones back up. Get angry. Get very angry !! Tell him you want maintenance( through CMSso he cant control it) and pre arranged contact for kids. You are so sad because he holds all the power and you are helpless. Take that power back. Its yours- its not his to take. Ive seen so many friends go through this, and trust me this is the only way forward. Good luck

It’s very hard with any children let alone 5 to act because you must feel tired and rung out providing for them...but really try to do what @GordonsAlive85 said about keeping busy. Busy in a nice way though. Garden, walk, bake, sew, crafts...anything.

He keeps telling you it will be alright because he wants to absolve himself from being an utter shit walking out on you and the children.

Do not let him dip in and out. Exercise some boundaries and control your life. He does not decide when he visits. He negotiates and takes the kids so you have time for yourself.

You need to (corny but true) find yourself. No longer as wife, partner or mum. Who are you?

I took a long time to get over my divorce but have no regrets about it. Eventually you will wonder what you ever saw in him and be happy

It took me a while to get over my DH dumping me but whilst it seemed the worst thing ever but now looking back, it was the best thing to happen to me. See a solicitor and divorce him there is no reason not too. Him being nice to you is to make himself feel better, not to be kind to you. Make plans for him to look after the children so he does his share. Above all, be kind to yourself.

I’m currently a mature student, I’m in uni doing a ODP corse, he left literally just after I started.
I’m 50% uni 50% placement in a busy hospital theatre.
And again, I hate that I can’t celebrate my achievements with him, and I can’t reply on him to help the way he would when we were married (I work 10 hour shifts!)
I know I’m at a crossroads, I want him to want me as much as I want him.
But it’s just not there. He’s giving me enough to keep me dangling, but nor enough to make any progress.
My mind, soul and body is shattered x

I hope he is taking those 5 DC to his place for full weekends. Do not facilitate him seeing them in your space. He should still be taking responsibility for them as much as possible while you work. Imagine walking out and leaving someone who works 10 hour shifts to manage 5 children!! Get angry as he is a right tossed.
It's very normal to be still upset. It's very early days. But it's more painful to be at his mercy. Make some changes as that will give you confidence and strength

Right tosser!!!

What a co-incidence that he left right at the time where he was actually required to provide support.
Also, when you had other needs to take care of over his.

You needed emotional support with your nan dying and likely, more physical support with the kids now you were starting uni and he picks that time to fuck off.

Stop letting him dip in and out. Decide it is over and set boundaries. See a solicitor about any property issues and decide on official child care arrangements so that he cant just show up.

It might not make things hurt less but you'll feel better in the long run if you are making the choices for yourself rather than letting him stay in the driving seat.

Prepare to be independent and resilient as a solo parent. The more power he has over you the more you will want him.

Do work know? It’s always worth telling them and getting support.

You sound like an amazing woman and I bet he’s trying to sabotage your new career to keep you dependent on him. Please stick at it. If you lived near me I’d offer all the practical help I could to enable you to qualify. Life will get better.

You need to change your mindset regarding being single. Go full out to make it a success, for you and your children. It does take time to adapt but being sad and miserable over someone who walked out on you and your kids is a comp!ete waste of energy. He's proved himself to be totally unreliable., Hes a massive liability,.You don't need a person like him in your life.
I am a single.parent, l worked.hard at making it a success and l have complete peace of mind, which is priceless. I rely solely on myself, it's empowering.

You need to get angry OP. He's walked out on you. He's dumped you. Leaving you to parent, leaving you in grief.

Stop seeing him. Stop letting him decide when he's seeing the kids. Arrange a proper schedule and make arrangements that suit you. Cut contact (maybe set up an email account just for his contact), don't see him. If the kids are old enough, you don't need to be involved at all.

See a lawyer. Get legal advice. Get empowered. Knowledge is power.

Stop focusing on what you think you've lost. It's a mirage. Then live your life. Time is a great healer.

I have 6 children by the way. I love being single. I love my life. And me and my children are unbelievably close in a way they'll never be with my ex and I believe they wouldn't have been if we'd stayed together. Life is fab!