Moving forward after marriage ends

[Lounew]

Hi everyone I really am struggling I split up.with my husband a year ago he said I was controlling and jelouse which I was he was my whole world and my behaviour ruined our marriage he will not consider getting back together he as no relationship with our 3 children which makes me sad I need to move forward but he is all I've ever known he was my first love please any advice appreciated.

Sorry you are going through this and sad he is not seeing the children. Do you think you need some couselling to help support you?

Hi thank you for your reply I am currently having counselling but still.struggling my whole life as always been for him

Why is he not caring for his children?

He as made them see him not a very good light and he is not putting any effort into seeing them

Do you mean that you children have chosen not to see him because of how he behaves ? How old are they ? Does he support them financially ?

Why do your children blame him if you were the one who was controlling and jealous ?

If he's the type of man to abandon his children, I'm not sure I'd be listening to his assessment of my character. Especially when it conveniently gets him off the hook (in his eyes at least).

You're obviously reeling and struggling to make sense of the situation - understandably. It would probably be a good idea to seek some counseling if that's an option for you. It might help you to gain some perspective on the relationship, how it ended, the role you played in that (if any), and how to move forward.

Yes my children have chose not to see him because of how he behaves he had angry outbursts and was violent on occasions. Only one is classed as a child so he pays towards him .

Yes I am struggling with the feelings I've been left with . Thank you for your advice

I don't think I'd be taking his assessment of my character as gospel. He sounds like a nasty piece of work and you're well rid of him.
That's the way forward - to realise you're better off without him. What would you like to do that isn't about him , or that you could never do if he was around?

So he was angry and violent but it’s your fault that the marriage ended, is that right ?

And when you say you are struggling, do you mean that you miss him and that you still love him ?

I agree with PP that you need to see a counsellor.

What do your friends and family say when you tell them about his violence and abuse ?

Yes he had times where he was violent which is why we are no longer together and yes I love and miss him even thoe I know I am better off away from that he was my only real relationship so I have nothing to compare to and he did have a good side . Family think I need to move on

So what would help you move on?

That's the point I can't

Oh you can. You just haven't reached the bottom of the pit you are currently wallowing in.

I know that sounds harsh but it is true. All the emotions you are feeling, the grief for the life you had, your fears of the life you now have are engulfing you.

Counselling should help you identify that and start to work out ways of accepting it all. But until you can do that you will continue to drown, to feel as though you love him, need him and can't cope without him, no matter how much of a shit you know him to be.

Be patient with yourself.

Good luck working through it all.

Thank u