How do I ask OH to come with me?

[Zac321]

My DF has asked us to come over for a BBQ , in the next few days, specifically asking for OH.

My OH likes being antisocial and dislikes being in these social situation. Theres nothing in particular that makes him not want to go, hes just lazy IMO. Bbqs, gatherings celebrations of any sorts he just doesnt go. The few occasions where he has come he has really enjoyed himself, and even said that was alright wasnt it. Hes actually a very chatty person when hes there.

Normally when I start the conversation his answer is no or he'll make a face before I finish talking. His reply is always I'm tired CZ I've worked nights or I've got work, and will use this as an excuse. We always end up having an argument over it. I know hes not working and can come to the BBQ. In the past I've resorted to using sexual favors but I hate doing this and dont want this to become normal.

Any suggestions ?

Ask him? If he says no then leave it.

You should never have to do sexual favours for someone to spend some time with you and friends, that's pretty messed up and you should seriously think about if you want the 'relationship' to continue.

Ditch his lazy ass, and find someone who actually can be bothered? I'd have a certain amount of sympathy if he just didn't enjoy gatherings with your family, but had an active social life with and without you that he actually enjoyed, but the kind of person who only gets off the sofa to go to work and continually complains about being tired -- not interested in being around that.

@JustAnotherOldMan

I used to hate going to my Ex family events, so blame him Go by yourself have a good time and don’t ask him again

Was not always a huge fan of it myself but surely part of being in a relationship is putting ourselves out occasionally to do something that would make our partner happy. It seems very mean-spirited, especially in the context of the bloody year we've just had, for him to not go when his presence has been specifically requested. And embarrassing for the OP to have to explain why/lie about why.

OP I completely sympathise with this. Any requests to do anything with my friends or family are met with reluctance, non-committal responses and quite often anxiety / stress coming to a head an hour before we are due to go. Whilst I understand it is down to anxiety to a degree it's exhausting and you dread invitations that involve both of you. I find it upsetting as, as other posters have said, for me it feels like they don't care about me enough to make an effort and it doesn't exactly relax me having to explain why my DP isn't there. It feels like there is always a reason to duck out of things which involve my friends and family. I don't know what to advise but you have my sympathies.

Getting your partner to do what you want via sexual favours is kind of inherently grim but if I was going to resort to that it'd be for something much more important than dragging him along to a family BBQ.

Leave him alone FGS! Let him stay at home. If you don't want an antisocial partner don't get into a relationship with one.

@theleafandnotthetree
To be honest, my Ex used to describe her own family as “a bunch of wasters”, her words not mine I would go to Weddings, Funerals, Christmas etc, but we (me & my Ex,) used to end up bailing her various relations out of money hole they found themselves in, and we moved 150 miles away from her family, so I think she used to cut me some slack for lots of these kind of events and it was just a BBQ, she would never expect me to go

You call him your other half, so I assume you are not married. Did you want to marry him? Do you have children with him? Some people might not care if they have to go to all events alone. I would.
You have choices OP. Will you accept him as he is or look for someone you'll have fun with?

It may be social anxiety that's stopping him from wanting to go. I tend to avoid social situations because of this, and on occasions where I've pushed myself, have really enjoyed myself and socialised with people. Just a thought.

Do you want to come to a bbq at my df?

No

Ok

Tell your df he doesn't want to come.

As for using sexual favours to get hun to do things, that sounds v unhealthy

@Fudgeytastic

I was going to say that it sounds like he has social anxiety but when I saw the bit about sexual bribes... this really isn't a healthy relationship.

Same.

I have social anxiety (on meds for it) and honestly whenever DP mentions we've been invited to a BBQ my heart sinks, because I'm just so rubbish in those situations, I don't really know his friends very well, and I just know I'm destined to sit on my own until 4 in the morning when the heavy drinkers are done (I don't drink at all).

He doesn't put any pressure on me to go or anything, but obviously I don't want to just never go out with him at all.

Anxiety can be a bitch to deal with, but OP you need to work out whether that's the reason or if he is genuinely just being lazy.