Agreeing contact days after separation

[OneForTheRoadThen]

Hi, my partner and I are separating and we're trying to work out which days each of us will have our children (ages 5 and 3).

We've roughly agreed a 60/40 split with me having them 60% of the time but are having difficulty agreeing on a schedule.

I've suggested Tuesday and Wednesdays midweek for him (he doesn't work Wednesdays so can look after the 3 year old) and a Saturday overnight. He's fine about the mid week but absolutely refusing to do the Saturday. He wants us to alternate weekend overnights so we'd each do a Friday and then a Saturday, mainly because he wants to go out on those days.

I think that I'd prefer one set weekend day because it might be easier on the children as they're so young to know exactly what's happening on each day. In people's experience is this a valid worry? I'm looking for ideas of contact arrangements that other people with this split have as I've no idea what I'm doing really and just trying to navigate this all and ensure that we're doing the best for the children.

In my experience it is less hassle for the children to have EOW. They have time to get settled in and into a routine . I would also suggest that it will be good for both of you to have a weekend free .

Maybe an every other weekend would work better? He has them from after school Friday to Sunday evening. That way you both get a proper weekend each.

I would go for alternate weekend nights. I think thats fairest and the children will adjust to it quickly. So whoever’s week it is to have them on Friday will be responsible for picking them up from school, other parent picks them up on Saturday tea time.

Thanks for the suggestions. Wouldn't alternate weekends mean there's a long gap of their dad no seeing them? They adore him and we're hoping to avoid this. I think that might work as they get older but I'm unsure about now.

It’s a little bit unfair that he can never go out on a Saturday night. EOW does seem the fairest option.

@OneForTheRoadThen isn’t he seeing them midweek?

@Allwokedup yes he would be. Sorry I can't get my head around how this works in practice, I've always struggled with this kind of thing.

I agree EOW works better. I love my weekends off and as we are down the line it's much better to facilitate dating.

@cravingthelook good point! I'll suggest EOW to him and see what he says

Most certainly should be EOW for the whole weekend. One night isn't enough then will never settle. I love my free weekends I really do... when I drop kids off this afternoon I'm off away for the weekend. You can catch up on cleaning and washing and having some quiet time. Remember to think about when they're older and you start dating again having a full weekend to get to know someone without the kids being home is priceless.

So how would that work in practice? Wednesday overnights and EOW? Would that be 60\40?

Eow is a better arrangement for everyone. Kids can settle into a good routine and you can plan your time both with the kids and your free time. With children that little you will appreciate the break. My youngest is 8. And we have had this arrangement for 3 years and I feel myself becoming shorter with them as we get to the Friday of their weekend at dads.

Would wed every week eow Friday until Sunday tea time and the weekend the children are with you wed/Thursday night.

Every Wed and EOW works out 36/64 but agree it's probably the best split

I have a full 50/50 split and just by her days I always have Sunday night.
My friend's ex drops her kids direct at school on the Monday morning after his weekend. This is great because she's never rushing to finish her weekend on the Sunday afternoon if she's away. This would take it more 60/40 too.

My ex has every Wed and every Fri night and the. EOW so in a month he gets
4 Wed
4 Fri
2 Sat
2 Sun
Total: 12 nights

I get 4 Mon, Tues, Th
2 Sat 2 Sun
Total 16 nights

Works for us