I don’t really know what I’m hoping to gain from this. It was a while ago and I’m married now so it’s irrelevant but every so often I think of it and it’s been making me feel more and more uneasy.
I was seeing this man for around four months and it was extremely intense. He was intense from the beginning and I thought I was ok with that because I felt in control of it but subsequently fell in deep. He did so much in four months. Constantly accusing me of cheating, I had to screenshot a lot of conversations and even then that was never proof enough. Would fly in a rage if I didn’t screenshot a conversation he felt was relevant as that was me ‘hiding things from him’ and therefore guilty of whatever I was on trial for in his head.
Sexually is where the situation haunts me though. He used to want me to sleep lying on his chest. It wasn’t comfy so I spent most of the time pretending to sleep but I was fairly sure he’d be in a mood if I didn’t. One morning I must have only been asleep for an hour or so when I felt him moving and woke up. I thought he needed the toilet or something. Nope. He was masturbating... that I didn’t mind. What I did mind was he was trying to move me so he could squat above me and come on my face. While I was sleeping. I was sort of gobsmacked but because I’d woken up and ‘ruined’ his plan he put his penis in my mouth and finished. This wasn’t the only time I felt he took things too far sexually but that one really bothers me.
There was so much more to this situation. I’d be here all day but I’ll stick to that example.
This was wrong wasn’t it? It felt almost normal at the time. I got used to him and his ways and while I was shocked it wasn’t completely unexpected he’d do something like that.