This is rude and not ok isn’t it?

[Mummybeebumbling]

If you were talking to your husband/partner and he picked up his phone whilst you were speaking (literally mid sentence, he doesn’t think the conversation is over and you’ve only been chatting for a minute or two) and starting scrolling would this bother you? The scrolling is nothing to do with what you’re talking about, just absent mindedly on Facebook etc. It happens all of the time. Pretty much every evening, unless he starts the conversation and that will usually be about a problem he’s having at work or something that he wants my advice on. If I pull him up on it he gets annoyed and says he’s still listening. This can happen if we’re talking about something light or about something serious.

I’m not constantly talking at him or anything. I think I’d just like to sit down in the evening when the kids are in bed and chat. It makes me feel like I’m not important and I’m wondering if I’m just overreacting I suppose

Depends, is he listening?

If it's an important conversation, I would expect full attention, but if it's just a conversation about how ugly Mrs Smith from the house on the corners new haircut is, he can probably scroll his phone while still getting the full experience.

Have you posted this before?

I would find this behaviour upsetting - it conflicts with my values/thoughts about what is respectful, caring behaviour, but I know others who wouldn't have thoughts about disrespect and disregard to the same behaviour.

Would your DH be upset if you did the same? If not, I think it's a matter of different interpretations of what is acceptable. If he would, then he is being an arse.

If he genuinely thinks it is ok, then I think you should explain that you experience his behaviour as disregarding and disrespecting and ask him to look at you/ not engage with his phone when you are chatting with each other (not at every moment - and having to give you undivided attention at all times, but at specific times such as mealtimes or when catching up with each other at the end of the day). If he then fails to do this - then he is being an arse.

It is rude yes. I would just stop talking, it is a really poor way to treat your partner and it isn't good for any children you have to learn that these are OK social skills.

@Mummybeebumbling

It's extremely rude in my opinion, and I wouldn't be 'nice' about letting him know that either !

Ask him if he'd do it when his boss is talking to him, or in a meeting, or at an interview, or any bloody time at all when his focus of attention should be on the person speaking to him !!

If he still says 'it's not rude because I'm still listening, then I'd be waiting until he is talking about something and then get up and walk out of the room. When he ''pulls me up'' because I was rude, I'd simply reiterate his bloody line...............''I'm still listening to you''

Ignorant bastard !

It's the height of rudeness/arrogance in my view. I've had a friend do it. I just stop the conversation immediately.

My DW does this. Sometimes I put up with it and cope with the misunderstandings later - she says she can multitask - she can’t.

At other times I stop talking and wait.

Happens a lot in my marriage and I hate it, in fact I cried last night for this very reason. DH feels defensive / shamed if I try and talk to him about it as by his own admission he's addicted to his phone and knows it's not polite. Worryingly now even if it's not the phone he'll often interrupt or not hear what I'm saying, not intentionally trying to be rude but he just has really crappy attention. Like you I've told him it makes me feel unimportant, boring and lonely. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it's very rude. If I'm clearly doing something and someone interrupts I say just to bare with me a second whilst I finish up what I'm doing but would never get my phone out mid conversation and wouldn't expect someone else too either.

Well, maybe the issue is he is the sort who is easily distracted and...
. oh look! a squirrel in the garden,
.. that tree looks like a giant rabbit from here,
... did I take a fish finger out the freezer for the cat?
.... I wonder what happened to Andy in Dixon of Dock Green,
..... and why did he live in George Dixon's house?
it can happen to anyone.

If you think about it how much time do you actually talk to him in a day. then think that he isn't given you his aattention when you do talk,it's pants.
My now ex DH was constantly on his phone, in my opinion it was his way of shutting me off.
We barely spoke about anything. No communication Don't miss those days.
My advice tell him exactly how rude it is, don't let him get away with it, it's the slippery slope. If say later in the evening you sit in the garden with a drink and chat then that's different but still shouldn't be happening.

So rude. If a teen does that they get a telling off can’t believe an adult would do this!

I think this is really rude. I'm the one in my relationship who is addicted to my phone (DH barely uses his), but if DH is talking to me I will always put it down and focus on him.

Yes it is rude and annoying. And is one of those wearing things that chips away at a relationship.

Yes it's rude and it sounds like he maybe has a bit of a problem with phone addiction. Have you asked him why he does it?

Yes it’s rude. I wouldn’t tolerate it. I had a friend who used to do this with everyone - have dinner with you but be on her phone. I never tolerated it with her either! She doesn’t do it now. It’s addiction to the phone. It’s different if you start talking and he’s already on his phone. If he picks it up during you speaking that needs to be picked up

Do it to him and see if he likes it.

Yes, very rude. And disrespectful.

Very, very rude.
I would just stop speaking if someone were ever to do that.

Yea it's rude. Ignorant and not okay.
My partner picked up this bad habit a couple of months back. I'm very resting bitch face when I'm pissed off, there's no way he can avoid it. When he picks up his phone rudely whilst I'm talking, I glance over and stare for a second in silence then turn my head very obviously away from him and don't say a word. My soothing voice must wake him when stopped because he'll instantly put his phone face down and say 'sorry what were you saying...' and I reply 'eh, I don't know. It's gone now' facing away
I will sit in the huff whilst he makes failed attempts to make me smile again, cheer me up or apologise but I don't give in. Call it childish but that bad habit fucked off in a just over a week. Plus I'm pregnant so hormones really aren't to be played with anyway.

Get it sorted and nipped in the bud now. Seriously it's unattractive and childish.

There is a bigger picture here than just the phone. If you are feeling lonely and boring you need to sit down an talk about it. Re the phone I deleted all social media 3 years ago and hubby isn’t on it either

Girl ! Those are grounds for divorce. I just moved out because of that and no I am not overreacting. You sent this text at 5:45am ? You are not overreacting you are genuinely concerned and rightly so.I found my husband was texting girlfriends whilst talking to me .Not to say yours is cheating but what’s more important than you? He hasn’t seen you all day.

Zombie thread!

OP might have moved on since April.