How do I be supportive without taking on stress?

[crackersncheeeeese]

I have an adult dc who's lived away at uni etc, is a perfectly capable individual. Never been in a relationship so kind of sees me as their closest ally (which is fine) but they literally offload everything on me and I'm exhausted.

Asks my advice on everything from housing to health, and seems to expect me to know all the answers. If I turn round and say sorry, I don't know the answer to that, you'll have to sort it yourself, I get accused of being unsupportive.

I have other people in my life needing my support as well, so I just feel worn out with it all. I wish they had a partner just so it would take the pressure off me. It's partly my own fault as my whole life I've been a "fixer" and tend to think I need to solve everything...so that's what they've grown up with. I guess I just thought by this age they would be totally independent. I'm worn out!

It's not asking for advice it's asking you to essentially do it for them.
Try reframing it. For example they might say 'omg I have nowhere to live next term' to which you need to reply 'go and find it what the options are and when you do I'll help you choose the best one' if they say 'I don't know where to start' you say 'there will be a service at uni for that please phone them'

Oh it's way past uni age! I'm talking full blown adult who seems to cope fine when I'm not around but regresses to being a kid when staying here.

There was a thread the other day about losing all your caring mum hormones at menopause, I reckon mine all just got used up!