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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does he do it ?

7 replies

CandyFIosss · 15/04/2021 17:17

I have DC with my ex. Since we broke up 4 years ago he has never bothered with them. For the first year after we split he was completely absent, he came back after a year but left again. A year after that he came back again and did the same. Since we’ve split he’s never once had them over night or even taken them to his house. Last summer after being absent for yet another year he got in contact again, literally begged to be a dad he had to go to some lengths to get in contact as I had blocked him on everything and changed my number. He begged to be involved, blamed mental health for the past and asked to be part of their lives said he was wrong etc etc, due to the pandemic I thought well life is too short and maybe it’s made him realise, well no. He saw them for a few months then just stopped seeing them again with no explanation! We’ve spoken about it but I get nothing back from him, he has every excuse in the book, but never makes plans to see them. I finally snapped and said well as you’re not seeing them again anymore I’m no longer going to be responding the any messages. And that’s it, nothing No response . I’m annoyed at myself for letting him back to see them again. I don’t understand why men do this? Why don’t they just stay away? He must have known he wasn’t going to hang around, I just don’t get it!

OP posts:
LeftyLou · 15/04/2021 20:50

It does sound as if your children are better of without him.

You sound such a caring person for the fact you have put up with this obviously for your DC.

Honestly though I think you have done the right thing. Ignore his pleas etc and keep putting your children first and start putting yourself before him. Flowers

But to why they do it? Maybe to make themselves feel better/ look better to others.

CandyFIosss · 15/04/2021 21:50

Thank you. I can’t help but blame myself I shouldn’t have let him back in again. He even went to the lengths of sending me a message via my online banking by transferring money into my account (he doesn’t pay maintenance otherwise) so I thought he must have been serious to go to that length, he said if I didn’t respond he was just going to show up! So he can show up at my house randomly after a year as if that’s ok then just disappear after a few months, so why go to those lengths. Can’t stop blaming myself.

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 15/04/2021 21:55

You gave him a chance and he blew it. Blaming yourself is only causing you pain. Let it go and look forward to the rest of your life. He's out of it. You should be rejoicing x

CandyFIosss · 15/04/2021 21:59

Thank you, I just thought this might be the time he actually stepped up, I wish it was as easy to say he’s gone but sensing his pattern he will be back in a year. Not going to fall for it this time though

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 16/04/2021 11:30

My ex is exactly the same, I’ve given up on him now and so have the children.

billy1966 · 16/04/2021 11:38

Awful, but you gave him every chance.
Your conscience should be clear on that point.
Forget about him, he's a waster and move on.
Flowers

JobHunting10 · 16/04/2021 13:39

What a waster

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