Marriage Ending

[Rob1973]

I can’t talk about this with my mates as I’m an old fashioned and proud man so I’ve ended up here after a few weeks of trying to sort this on my own.
I’m married for 16 years and we’ve got three brilliant kids.
I found out a few weeks ago that my wife joined Tinder a couple of months ago and was chatting to a man.
We’ve had many shouty conversations and sensible ones since and we’re still together.
She didn’t meet up with anyone or do anything, I know that. However I’m still heartbroken even though I’m doing my best to move on because I love my wife and we have three kids that need us both together.
I feel that my wife doesn’t love me anymore and I should walk away but I don’t want to break my kids hearts by leaving.
Any advice?

What did your wife say?

Did you try to talk to her about what happened end why?
Was it lockdown boredom and escapism on her side?

Generally - relationships go through ups and downs. 16 years and raising three kids is not easy. Add to that a year or being stuck at home with kids homeschooling and WFH.
So - I can see how anyone can be driven to being low and behaving out of character while looking for some reprieve.

Does she want to breakup? Do you?
Certainly - this situation while not great - doesn’t necessarily spell the end of marriage. It’s pretty solvable but the two of you need to start talking. And preferably with a professional marriage counsellor.

Are you affectionate towards her? I myself have a 20yr marriage that has effectively become houseshare. No sex, no affection. I too have 3 kids and don't want to hurt them by going through divorce. Like you, we have had arguments and serious conversations, but seem unable to move forward. I am only 47yrs and feel a sense of " oh my god is this it". It has crossed my mind as to whether I could find affection elsewhere...as it feels utterly lonely. Can you talk to your wife about why she did this? It sounds as though you really do love her, but perhaps she isn't feeling that.

Can you be 100% sure she didn’t meet up with anyone ??? She joined a dating site. That to me is crossing a line .
How is your relationship before you found out ??
What age are your kids ?
Lots to think about but don’t stay for the kids as unhappy parents leads to unhappy kids even if you try to hide it .

Well, it sounds like she was looking to cheat on you. What explanation did she give? At the very least I would suggest couples counselling for you both to see if it can be salvaged, and if so, how.

For me it is a 'one strike' rule no matter what the circumstances. I could never get over the betrayal.