How do we do this??

[cantgetmyheadroundit]

Just before covid, I found out that my partner had had a 'kiss and a grope' with a woman 2 years ago. She called my place of work and left a drunk message with one of my colleagues.

Initially, I thought I could deal with it and move on - then we went into lockdown, and life went really weird, so I have tried not to make any decisions until life is a bit more normal.

However... It turns out that I can't move on, and last night, we had another huge row which culminated in me telling him that I don't want to live with him anymore.

It's been very emotional and horrible, and I really really hope that we can work it out in the end - but that's not going to happen while we live in the same house.
Neither of us can afford to live here alone, and we don't have any money for either of us to stay in a hotel or anything in the meantime.

How do we do this? Has anyone been in this situation?

Sorry if this is all a bit garbled, my head's battered with it all.

Sorry you’re going through this. Is he sorry? Do you want to end it really?

@Lozzerbmc thank you.

He's definitely sorry. I know that it's probably the biggest regret of his life. But I can't trust him. Not only is he my partner, but he's also my best friend, and as much as I want to stay together, the betrayal is overwhelming.

I want to find a way through it, I love him. I just don't know how.

Was much time spent ‘dealing’ with it back then?

Can he stay with family or a friend for a while?

@UhtredRagnarson

He says he doesn't want anyone else involved - but that's just an excuse. He doesn't want to go.

@Mundayblues how do you mean?

I think it takes a lot to come back from something like this. I have experience of a DP being on dating websites and its hard to trust again. Really better off splitting than the angst of trying to “get over” it.

Have you got good friends/family who can support you?

You can love someone and still need to leave them. If the trust is gone it's over.

We've been together 10 years next month. I want to believe he wouldn't ever do it again - but that's what I thought before, obviously.

I just can't even look at him. He's disappointed me more than anyone else ever.
Can you get past that? I honestly don't know.

I recently came out of a five year relationship. Three years in, I found out he’d been secretly seeing an ex and told me so many lies to try and cover his back. He said it was plutonic but I knew he was lying. I tried to make things work but the last two years haven’t been great. Arguments, resentment and trust issues etc. I thought I could get my head around it but I never could which is why we split but I’ve wasted the last two years of my life coming to realise that I could never trust him again. Please don’t do what I did and just leave him now. There are some things you just can’t fix however hard you try.

What he did was wrong and foolish but sadly, as human beings, we all make mistakes. You obviously love and care for him so it would be very sad if you broke up over this. People can, and do, get over betrayals...I guess somehow deep in their heart overcoming it is far more preferable than splitting up with a loved one as quite simply none of us are perfect and we screw up. Perhaps some sort of CBT would help you to get your head around this and help you to move forward. If he cannot (or won't) move out for a while, is there anyway that you could go and stay elsewhere for a while (covid allowing)? Perhaps you can find a way to forgive...even if you never forget? If not, then separation ( and all that that entails) will be the only way forward.

OP it's unforgivable in my book but we're all different
It's absolutely up to you to deal with it make your choices
I wouldn't be able to see passed it