How to get my life back on track after sleeping with my supervisor?

[Myusername01]

Good morning dear people,
I will try to keep this short although i could fill up pages and pages with what's going on in my life right now. It all started with me being fired due to Corona shortages. I invested my life in that job, i defined with it and it hit me really, really hard. Depressive hard and unable to find a solution, not willing to move on like it wouldn't worth. Disappointment it's little said, i just couldn't accept it or cope with it. Then this man shows up in my life, being there for me and understanding what’s going on, being my coworker/supervisor. It easily evolved into my space of feeling good, then it started being an emotional affair and then it full blown into a regular affair. We kissed and then slept together a few times.
What it went into my mind: i was tired of doing the right thing and getting slapped in the face at each step. In my entire life i slept only with my husband til now and i was 15 years faithful. I was hardworking, i did everything right and how society and life requires you to do. And when i got fired, i flipped out. I decided that i’m gonna just ignore every single voice in my head and just go for it. Live a little!
A little bit of a background from my marriage: after 15 years we are best friends, we can relay on each other, we understand, we connect, we speak about everything and see life with the same eyes. But last year we had sex in a whole year ….4 times. I decided that i don’t want sex anymore when he just died in me… i don't blame him, it’s just that my appetite and interests were always very, very different in sex. I tried to be in a sexless marriage and read every article and all on the thema, but i dont want to. Due to Corona we spend really…every single day together, i suffocate.
And it goes on. Now i’m actually not fired because after going trough Three Months of agony, my employer changed his mind…at least for a few months. And my superior is there . And that’s not all, he has a 3 year relationship with another Coworker.
If before i was suffering for having sex issues in my marriage, for my career that didn’t work out etc. now i’m stuck into this terrible agony of loving the sex i had with this man. Knowing that i won’t be able to have that in my marriage and the fact that he is now having second thoughts, wanting to first see what’s up in his relation and willing to “be friends” - but meanwhile he leaves an open door for “a coffee at his place” .
I’m a ruin emotionally. I cannot talk to absolutely nobody around me, i cannot afford a psycholog.
What i feel is that without that thrill we had, without his messages, without the sex and meetings, without the chats it’s nothing left to life.

Split up with your husband. Don't know how old you are but you have the rest of your life ahead of you, it's daft to spend it in a sexless relationship if you are not asexual. You may be on the same wavelength etc with your husband, but that's not really enough for you (as you have already demonstrated).

Have the courage to make the jump and start over.

Your supervisor is neither here nor there really - he's not the answer to your problem, he's a symptom - just act professionally when you're back at work and keep looking for other jobs.

Do you even want to be married? Figure that out and forget about the other man; find a different job if you can because it’s a bad idea to be working with him

What? You've discovered who you are, after fifteen years in a relationship. Sort your way out of the marriage, move on. Polite but distant with the supervisor. When he wants a shag he'll come back cosy - watch out for that and don't let him have anything you don't want to share as a one off, no commitment.

I am 33 years old.
The thing is that we always speak about sex with my husband and how we can fix our sex life. It always end up to having sex 2 per week for a month and then we're back here. And last year when i stop trying it ended up to 4 times in a year.
But he wants, it's just that we don't click. We didn't since the very beginning nd we spoke open about it. He also tells me it's like eating same foid day by day, at a point you had enough.

We spoke about searching separate apartments, im very scared...feels like i will remain without anything in my life. He's my friend, my best friend and we love eachother very much. It just became this... relationship tht it's not complete. I feel i miss on stuff in life.

As about my supervisor. Yesterday, because niw they are in vacation together, told me that ge feel imoral going on this way, that he can't do this two ways, that he... didnt want to hurt me. And today he didnt written me anything. He also lacks sex. He saud he want first to see what he does and where he stays in his relationship.

I feel so, soo hurt for being dump like this. I feel dirty and my self esteem hit pit bottom... The affair distract me from everything else, sex was 100% perfect match and now i feel empty.

I'm sorry you're feeling shit.

I think you need to use it as motivation to change your life - maybe you could stay friends with your dh if you split amicably. But what a waste of your life to spend it in half a relationship.

And tbh, i don't think you'd feel suffocated by him if he was right for you. Something's not right there apart from the sex.

Karma is a bitch

Thank you, only the fact that i could finally put it out of my chest...i haven't spoke with anybody and can't speak with anybody about it...

It's been going on since December. Well December - February was mostly friendly and emotionally and from February it's been happening.

My husband and i speak openly about finding different apartments, to separate our finances to see how it goes. But we both feel sad..I kinda grew up with him. Since i was 17 years old he's been my best friend and my support, i feel so sorry that we cannot be complete. That sad that i was really researching how to live in a sexless marriage...

I have been involved in a similar situation at work with my supervisor too. If it goes wrong though or when it ends badly it's hard to still work there. It's a huge risk still working with that person too as they are always there. I didn't sleep with mine but it nearly got to that stage. You can't speak with anyone about it that is correct and tough. Try and stay on a professional level with your supervisor and see how you go. The reality is he only probably wanted one thing which will hurt but a lot of men are like this. See if you can work anything out with your hubbie at all