Dumped after 2 months and surprised how much this hurts

[GeekyGirl42]

Been dating a woman for 2 months. Initially it was really good, if a little too intense. This morning she called to say she doesn't want to be dating me now that lockdown is easing up, because she wants to see her friends.

I said that this was understandable and that maybe a pause was a good idea. Then she said some things which triggerred my self preservation instinct (like "i think I should like you more than this by now"), so I told her a pause wasn't a good idea and we would be better parting ways.

Half an hour later I get "it was really great getting to know you and I hope this isn't goodbye"

Whaaaat?? I told her it was fun but I need to look forwards, so it would be best to stay out of touch for a while.

I think I was heading in this direction myself. I certainly didn't feel like a priority at all and I suspected she has an alcohol problem.

But why oh why does this hurt so much?? Been crying all day!!

Btw I was surprised to hear that seeing friends and dating seemed to be mutually exclusive activities. I think it was that also that really tripped my shutter switch - either unrealistic expectations or I really am a chore to arrange to see!!

Hugs for you. I imagine you are mourning the loss of what might have been. I actually think break ups in the first couple of months can be harder to handle because you're still in that romantic world of "everything is possible, maybe this is the love of my life".

She does not sound like The One though and I hope you are feeling better about it soon. Being able to get out and about after a lonely few months should help!

I often think that break ups are more painful in the early days than an established relationship (not all, just some) its easy to fall fast and I don't think you can stop it.
I'm proud of you for calling time. It will get better x

Dating and seeing friends are not mutually exclusive activities - unless you also want to date your friends! Her explanation makes no sense. I suspect she means she wants to be able to date more people now that restrictions are easing.

Or she just isn't all that into me

It’s true that she just isn’t that into you. If she was, the easing of restrictions would probably mean she wanted to see more of you, not stop seeing you altogether.

It’s always a blow when you care for someone more than they care for you. It hurts. But you’ll be fine. When a relationship is immediately very intense, that can be a bad sign. It’s unsustainable in any case.

I think you might have dodged a bullet to be honest, i see what could be a couple of red flags in there. I have dated women similar to this before who i felt were head workers a bit, and liked to try and keep me unsure about them and whether they actually liked me. I always found it better to cut ties sooner rather than later.....but i know early doors break ups can still really hurt, so for you.

Was warned that she's a player. Felt that was jilted women taking out their upset. Afterall, perfectly ok to change your mind about someone.

I'm not so sure now.

Having been there, I think it actually hurts more when you overlook red flags/significant flaws in a dating partner, only to then be dumped.

You'll look back on this as a lucky escape one day. In the meantime it'll hurt for a while, but treat it as a reminder to not lower your standards for anyone and swerve those red flags when they first show up..

Also well done for maintaining your dignity and not allowing her to jerk you about. At least with lockdown easing there'll be more things to get out and do to keep you busy til you start feeling better.

@GeekyGirl42

Was warned that she's a player. Felt that was jilted women taking out their upset. Afterall, perfectly ok to change your mind about someone.

I'm not so sure now.

Player was my first thought to be honest.

In my experience now I listen when people tell me someone is a player, because giving the benefit of the doubt was always the wrong decision.

Just enjoy......and then let them go

She’s a player. You were warned. The intensity probably made you think you were special and things with you would be different but that’s clearly part of her game. Bet she was intense with some of these other “jilted” women early on.

As @Flyg says - when lots of people are warning you about someone, it’s worth paying attention. Assume your experience will be the same rather than different and proceed with caution.

Sorry that you’ve been caught up in this though. It’s bound to hurt. But she’s trouble and you’re better off out of it.

Think I've leaned something. I passed a judgement on the women making the player claim because they were doing this publically and creating a lot of extra drama.

That didn't mean they weren't played though. In fact, understandable. Although I'll just stick to anonymity on here.

Players are always capable of going on major charm offensives in the early stages, its really cruel actually the way they operate. You shouldnt feel weak or anything for feeling so bad after 'only' 2 months, their MO is to leave you feeling like this. I dont know why they do it, but ive found theres a lot of it about on the girl scene sadly.

Does seem to be the case. I'm normally very good at dumping them before they dump me!!

Kinda a Lizzo "I do my hair toss, check my nails*" moment

*oh wait, I'm a lesbian.

Check they're short

Indeed 😂

stalachtiteorstalagmite Wed 14-Apr-21 13:31:10
Hugs for you. I imagine you are mourning the loss of what might have been. I actually think break ups in the first couple of months can be harder to handle because you're still in that romantic world of "everything is possible, maybe this is the love of my life".
.......
That's right, I bet most of us have been there.

I can't offer any comfort, you just have to live through these things but you will come out the other side and eventually meet someone else.

Sitting here Googling "Signs I'm dating a player" and OMG can't believe I didn't see it.

No wonder my anxiety was rising. I need to stop being so hard on myself and instead trust that when this appears, it may very well be because there is something wrong.

you probably did see it, you just didnt want to so it was easy to ignore.

The possible alcoholism doesnt sound brilliant either. Try to focus on the positive which is that we are coming out of lockdown now, if this had happened last year you would have so much more time alone to dwell on it and feel lonely. At least now you can see friends and family and throw yourself into making plans to take your mind off her.

Off to pub. Having blocked her everywhere

Good for you Geeky.

I wish I had been as strong as you when I was young.

Hi there!
I have just been through something quite similar, earlier last year. Do these lockdown blues never end?
Don't worry too much, you just fell intensely for her which is why it's you that's hurting the most. Honestly it is like this with quickest affairs that take the shortest possible time, ha! I think they ought to coin a new term like "lockdown-lovers" just like gate gay or whatever.
By the way, your username looks super familiar to me.

Always hurts so have a good cry and move on. Aside from anything else, no one wants an alcoholic in their lives. Her loss.