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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please ladies

2 replies

Littleoldme11 · 14/04/2021 06:33

Hi everyone, need some advice from you all, think it's useful to get other peoples perspectives. So I have been married for 10 years with two children. Let me set the scene so about a month or two after our wedding I found that my husband was messaging three other women, one was his boss asking her to come to his office and saying flirty things like I loved that dress your in and your legs etc, one was a colleague and the other his friends wife! Confronted him at the time and I have tried so hard to get over it but I just can't 10 years on it still hurts just the same, over the years there have been other behaviours than I don't like up to current day still, he goes through phases of watching porn, he can stay up late doing that but never comes to bed with me which I have told him hurts me. About a year ago he contacted a woman he used to hang around with but hasn't spoken to for 15 years he asked her to meet up for coffee, but I don't trust his intentions at all, was a bit random, it never happened as far as I know. I have tried so hard to be happy but I'm not if I'm honest and these things that have happened and are still happening are destroying me as a person. My anxiety levels are through the roof, surely this isn't a healthy relationship.

OP posts:
thewooster · 14/04/2021 12:42

If he makes you unhappy then you need to think about the future. Would life be better without him? He doesn't sound great, but only you know if you can trust him. Without trust, the relationship is dead.

sageflower · 14/04/2021 13:38

It's only the children that you are still together, if you weren't married with children, I doubt you would put up with it.
My exh was just like this, a creep but without any evidence of affairs, we divorced and I'm so glad we did.
Him not wanting to go to bed with you is quite worrying, he's not trying to put any effort into you.

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