Can anyone enlighten me on why they think my ex did this? :(

[Themoreifly]

Name change because don’t want this lingering aside my other threads

I have been split from my ex for a year, we went from a very intense relationship, living together etc to nothing very quickly. We both wanted to remain friends as we have same friendship group and same hobby and the break up was/has been amicable. Broke up mainly as we both wanted to have careers in different cities hours apart. Friends for 11 years and in a relationship for 4.

We haven’t really been separated properly (apart from lockdown) during the year since we split up. We would go no contact for periods (most being a month) and would still Skype and chat regularly (once every so many weeks) under the guise of staying friends. These chats are pleasant usually and we have an agreement not to go into anything that might be triggering and keep it light. We have previously mentioned dates we’ve been on and this has never been an issue.

Ex would have me on social media, but after a while deleted me as he said he was triggered by seeing what I was doing (usually just out with friends or whatever). Currently he has me on no social media. He doesn’t post on SM and hasn’t for years but I felt fine having him on there.

I still have feelings for my ex but am happy and have my own life and can usually brush these feelings aside (recently bought a new house, and have a new job- ex also has a new job.)

At the year point, ex and I agreed to meet up for coffee. It went really well, and ended up turning into drinks, which then ended up with us having sex. It was after this I admitted to ex, I’d been seeing someone (only three virtual dates) and that I felt slightly guilty but guess it wasn’t overly a big deal as no commitment set with OM.

A few days after sleeping together, ex messages to almost plead me to stop seeing Other man. That he loved spending time together and it made him happy- he also asked if I’d consider getting back together and I said it had been on my mind. I was planning on another date with OM and told him this. He carried on pleading and I gave in, and stopped and told OM what had happened. We ended things.

I then started getting butterflies for ex and we carried talking every night for a week before meeting up for a drink. At the drink, ex then becomes critical and says that he just said it for effect and actually he doesn’t want me back, thinks we should see other people, that we should only meet in public places to avoid having sex and that he won’t have me on SM as it’s triggering and hurts him, he hopes I find someone to make me happy- but wants to stay friends?!

So guess what I’m asking dear reader, is why the sudden change of thought process? Argh men!

Block him on everything, he will try & ruin every relationship you try to have.

This man is not your friend. He is a controlling, territorial arse.

It's a game, it proves he still has control over what you do and who you see.
You should go completely no contact with him to avoid being in that situation again.
It will be difficult as you've known him for so long but it's the best thing for you.

It's possible he's a wanker who enjoys holding power over you, or, he may just be incapable of handling unpleasant emotions. All this talk of being triggered, then he felt jealous knowing you were seeing someone else, his way of "fixing" those feelings was to talk about getting back together. Then realised it wasn't actually what he wanted.

He's still acted like a wanker, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's a power hungry cockwomble. Just emotionally incapable. Either way, I'm sorry he treated you like this

Don't fall for it again - it's his own personal power trip.

He's an arse & you can do much better.

What they said..it's obvious really, he doesn't like other boys playing with his toy.

He may have been a good friend to you a long time ago, but he isn't now. Get rid.

Classic case of: he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you.

He's a game playing twat.

It's simple. He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you.

My ex was the same. He'd begged me to get back together every time I started seeing someone else and then within 2 weeks he'd tell me hed started seeing someone else.

The worst was then I started seeing a mutual acquaintance and when we hit a road block my bf asked my ex some advice. He purposely gave him advice he knew would piss me off (yes both my exes are idiots).

Honestly this half and half relationship won't work. Uou need a clean break from him

He's playing games with you. He doesn't like that you've moved on and wants to see whether he can still have you when he wants, like a child he will throw his toys down and pick them up again when it suits him.

He does not get to dictate whether you should be friends or not. What about your wants and needs? He isn't your friend so block him and remove him from your life.

Wanker! He wants best of both worlds. I’d stop being friends with him.he’s not a good friend to you.

He's a wanker.
Delete and block him and never speak to him again.
As soon as he knew you'd started dating, he wanted to ruin it for you.
Date some new guys and never let the ex darken your door.