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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

drunkenly told him I loved him

21 replies

Browsfluf · 13/04/2021 10:09

So I’ve been with this guy for 7 months now, things have been going fine. We recently celebrated my birthday together and had a lot of alcohol, I felt sick and he came in the bathroom with me to rub my back and give me water. I wasn’t sick but I was still drunk and I told him I loved him and appreciated him. He said it back and I remember hugging. That’s the first time anyone has mentioned anything like that. We haven’t spoken about it again and we have gone back to normal maybe even a bit closer. But now I feel so awkward, what if he said it back because he was drunk? Or he didn’t mean to say it?

Argh! And I don’t want to bring it up because if he didn’t mean it I don’t know what I would do. What do I do in this situation? Just wait it out? Until this comes back up? Scary!

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 13/04/2021 10:40

Pretend you don't remember?

Browsfluf · 13/04/2021 10:47

If he says anything? I just can’t stop thinking about how I love him. And I want to know if he really feels that way

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 10:50

As long as someone likes your company and treats you with respect and kindness then what does it matter? I mean real life isn't Disney so even if you feel like you love someone, it doesn't mean it's forever. So what the big deal? All it means is 'hey I really, really like you...currently'. And you can see how a person feels about you by the way they treat you anyway.

IF you really need the validation word wise, you could start saying 'love ya' as he leaves and see if he says it back. But really, why torture yourself. Just enjoy his company and dont get bogged down with terminology.

itsme1978 · 13/04/2021 10:52

Why don't you bring it up and ask him?

Dontcallmewifey · 13/04/2021 10:52

So you do love him and you want to know if he loves you?

There really is only one way to sort this out and you know what it is.

Tell him you love him. Take it from there.

Superwoman250 · 13/04/2021 10:55

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Browsfluf · 13/04/2021 10:57

But I said I loved him when I was drunk. And I meant it. Why couldn’t he? I know it’s not the be all and end all. I’m just scared to ask at this point. Thanks for the replies

OP posts:
Gobbeldegook · 13/04/2021 11:12

Say it again

itsme1978 · 13/04/2021 11:27

Who cares who brings it up......be the bigger person, you might be missing out on something special

DIshedUp · 13/04/2021 11:30

Its been 7 months. You need to just bring it up again. Theres really no other way to know if he feels the same way except asking him

Opentooffers · 13/04/2021 11:37

You really are buying into the fairytale here and putting too much stock into the actual words. In the real world, any man can say 'I love you' whilst still treating you poorly and flirting with others or words. Words don't count as much as actions. Just put it out of your mind for now, and carry on enjoying as you were, it's not important. You remember he said it back, which is good, do you really need to start analysing everything now?

nolovelost · 13/04/2021 13:48

He might be waiting for you to say it again in the cold light of day!

OolieMacdoolie · 13/04/2021 13:50

If you do love him, tell him sober. Be brave!

ItsNotLoveActually · 14/04/2021 07:27

He might be thinking the same OP! You said it whilst drunk and maybe wonders if you even remember saying it.
I'd relax a bit. As other's have said, it's the actions that count.

Hawaiidreamer · 14/04/2021 08:17

Why don’t you just bring up that you were drunk and said it and you think he said it back - is it true or was he just messing around?
I think the fact he was looking after you when you were about to be sick is quite a loving thing to do

supadupapupascupa · 14/04/2021 08:20

I think I got round this by ending a text saying I think I was falling fir him. He text me back saying the same. Went from there....

ADandyHighwayman · 14/04/2021 09:03

I thinknidnhave to.love someone to look after them when they were being sick. Especially if I were drunk too. I'd just leave them to it otherwise!

If I were you, I'd just tell him that I meant it when I said that I loved him. He might he feeling the same as you - you were the one who was drunk sick after all!

It's been a good many years since I told someone I loved them. I've come to realise that loving someone is a gift within us. If I told someone I loved them now, i wouldn't need them to say it back or even feel it. It's something in me.

Dery · 14/04/2021 12:58

“You really are buying into the fairytale here and putting too much stock into the actual words. In the real world, any man can say 'I love you' whilst still treating you poorly and flirting with others or words. Words don't count as much as actions. Just put it out of your mind for now, and carry on enjoying as you were, it's not important. You remember he said it back, which is good, do you really need to start analysing everything now?”

This with bells on. My DH very rarely says he loves me. But he shows me regularly through the things he does for me. Words are cheap. There are too many threads on here from women whose partners say they love them and then proceed to treat them like shit.

Hawaiidreamer · 14/04/2021 19:16

But there’s also lots of men who say they love you and act like they love you. I think it’s a really special thing to hear. We say it every day! It still makes me feel happy to hear and see it too

SelkieIntegrated · 14/04/2021 19:19

I'd leave it a month or two, see if he acts stifled or the same, or taking you for granted.

You don't have to DO anything this second! Observe.

And if he starts trying to communicate to you that he doesn't love you by ''relegating you'' (has happened to me a few times :-( then you'll notice that)

AramintaLee · 14/04/2021 21:27

Just say it again sober and see what he says! If you're both waiting for the other person to say it, you'll be waiting forever.

Tear the band aid off and get on with it!

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