Darkest times

[Darknesson]

I am having a mental breakdown. Sorry if I am scattered and don't make sense, just need to write and hopefully have some human interaction albeit electronic.

For the last three years my nex has made my life a living hell. I am going to trial for custody in two weeks (he is asking I see my children 4 nights a month) and I don't have a lawyer. My anxiety is through the roof, he is a narcissist and so manipulative that I can't comprehend how he does it. He has thrown all kinds of allegations against me and people believes him although I can prove many of them to be false.

I am on mental leave from work. I don't have anyone to talk to. My best friend has let me down when I needed her the most. She has avoided my calls and yesterday even told me that we don't know each other that much (5 years of talking almost daily and I am one of her two bridesmaids). I can't understand wtf happened there but I am heartbroken and my world is crumbling in all fronts.
I am an expat, no family here and dad and sister are not very good at emotions. They will complain about their own thing if I call for emotional support (they really don't have anything bad happening in their lives so it is frustrating and not helpful).
I booked a psychologist appointment and he told me that I am doing everything I can, that my lawyer should shield me from the stress of the legal issues. But I can't afford a lawyer!! I am going to lose my house and my job. I already lost my mind.

You need to phone Womens Aid and get a lawyer.

If you are in the UK and your Ex is taking you to court, you could be able to get a lawyer either free or very cheap because you might be entitled to Legal Aid.

Please phone a lawyer to see if you are entitled to Legal Aid, because you need a lawyer to be able to fight for your rights.

Also, if you can prove that what your ExH has said about you is lies, be prepared to show your lawyer/ the court the proof.

I'm sure other posters will be able to help you a lot more as I've not had much experience with courts etc.

No personal experience with the, but one of my friends went through similar. Her ex had already taken their daughter by lying, he told an emergency hearing that their son was scared of their mum because she shouted. He has manipulated her and the courts for over 8 years now. Her ex is very good at putting on a charming front, but most of all he kept his cool ALL the time. My friend was understandably very emotional and unfortunately his poise gained him the advantage. When it went to court he told the judge that he wanted nothing more than to help the son and mother repair their relationship so the courts agreed to give him residency and agree contact. The minute they were out he refused contact and said the son was too scared to see her. She has fought over and over again. I'm telling you this not to worry you, but to try and help you see that no matter how you feel you can't afford to show how this has broken you, you need to show you're a competent, caring mum, any weaknesses will be exploited by him. Most importantly of all though you must get a lawyer, you will be entitled to one free or at reduced rates, please please ring Citizens advice today, they'll need time to review it all before court.

Thank you all for your replies. 8 am in Canada and unfortunately Legal Aid doesn't help with trials and there is no duty counsel due to covid.
I have tried asking for a loan but I can't get much so I need to find a new cheaper lawyer and Noone is willing to take the case with such short notice. At this point I have tried everything and my last hope is that my budget is enough for old lawyer to question my nex and I do the rest of witnesses.

The story of your friend helps @booboo24. I know I have to keep my composure and that's why I need a lawyer at least for my nex. I don't want to do it myself under any circumstances. I am also strong, it took him three years to break me, but I don't show it to him. They had an investigator write a report based on nex's narrative and his lawyer commented what a bad mother I am when I didn't cry with their recommendations... Of course not, first because I am going to dismantle each of the pillars it is based on, and second, because I will never cry in front of him. Won't give him that pleasure.

You know you need a Lawyer, you will not cope without this support.

have you contacted the Womens Justice Network in Canada? or the Womens Advocacy Groups Canada?

look online ... there are many groups who can help you.

But I am struggling. I can't function. They just switched schools to remote learning again and I have never had babysitters so I don't know how to find one quickly and safely. We have a stay at home order here.

I don't have my children this week and I feel so alone. I need a hug. And my loneliness and longing for support/love is making me feel desperate. I have been single for 5 years and I am thinking of bluntly asking a friend to come over for sex The only thing stopping me from ruining another relationship is that my house is a mess and I could not possibly invite anyone.

you can email them or phone them, you don't need to leave the house.

what part of Canada are you in ?

@BlueDahlia69 I contacted all community legal clinics, legal aid, and pro bono association. They don't do trials. Private lawyer won't take the case so late (2 weeks for trial and I have done the documentation myself, both a problem). I did have an intake with Barbara Schiller clinic that offers support for victims of violence. They gave me a free consultation with a lawyer who asked for money first and then said she can't take the case. They also gave me a court support worker but since trial will be online, rules say that I need to be home alone.
I also asked the judge for an adjournment to find lawyer. She denied it.

@BlueDahlia69 I am in Toronto, Ontario

Ontario has a lot of support groups and please don't give up just yet. The lists of groups are freely online.

stepstojustice.ca/questions/family-law/i-cant-afford-family-law-lawyer-where-can-i-find-legal-help

you would certainly have grounds for appeal of any substantive decision, based on the denial of a deferment/adjournment to find legal representation.

Im shocked at this OP.