9 years together, toddler, mortgage - break up

[6lb3oz]

Evening MN'ers

Been with OH 9 years, bought a house together and have a 2.5yr old.

For various reasons we have parted, the catalyst being him messaging a girl in a sexual flirty way since January. This is the second time it's happened (different girls) but the first time since our child.

Have decided to separate and he is initially going to move out and then I want some time at our home to settle into being a single parent and person.

I'm just looking for others experience in similar situations, where you share a mortgage and can't afford to run the house on your own income alone.

He will pay maintenance in the long term but in the short term he is going to carry on paying what he normally does which is the majority. I have been made redundant recently but once I'm working I can pay the bulk of the house bills. I will be down £200-£300 roughly.

I'm just in a state of shock RN and wanting some positive stories xx

So update - he has to stay on mortgage. I'm not bothered by that. I can afford it on my own. I will look to buy him out in a years time.

He wants to buy another house and he's worried he won't be able to if he already has a mortgage.

Why?
If he’s prepared to go
And bank determines affordable for you
It’s straightforward
Did it myself with my ex

House value £145/£150k. Gosh !.

It's not affordable.

Mortgage is at £119k and I can only borrow £60k!

They can't use universal credit until I've had it for 3 months. They can't use the money he is going to pay me for child maintenance as it's an informal arrangement.

I haven't even had my official job offer as yet so I would need to send them my first payslip too when I get that.

Honestly, I'm in the worst situation ever and it's all going against me.

@Pyewackect

House value £145/£150k. Gosh !.

What sorry?

You need to formalise child maintenance
You will regret this
Mainly because you often need to prove that child maintenance and not spousal

Don't forget to get your council tax reduction. Single people get a 25% reduction. Every little helps.

Honestly, I'm in the worst situation ever and it's all going against me.

You're really, really not. There's nothing insurmountable here.

When you say OH - are you married?

@anxietyanonymous

Don't forget to get your council tax reduction. Single people get a 25% reduction. Every little helps.

Thank you, I have applied

@user1636853246842157

Honestly, I'm in the worst situation ever and it's all going against me.

You're really, really not. There's nothing insurmountable here.

Thank you 😊

@MooseBeTimeForSummer

When you say OH - are you married?

No not married.

You are looking forward to being feee of him
But you will never be free of him if arrangements aren’t formalised
Because he can then withdraw on a whim

@Lassy1945

You are looking forward to being feee of him But you will never be free of him if arrangements aren’t formalised Because he can then withdraw on a whim

To formalise arrangements what does that entail, courts? Costs?

Child maintenance.

Go through the CMS.

So then there are consequences for non payment and everything recorded

Is he paying more or less than the child maintenance minimum (there is an online calculator to find out what he should be paying)

If you have extra cash I’d spend it on a solicitor hour (mumsnet think they all give half hour free. The do not) and get their advise

Hi @6lb3oz

I think you will definitely need to wait until you are working as mortgage lenders do prefer that, even if it's topped with with universal credit.

I recommend you eventually either try and remortgage with your existing provider or use a mortgage broker who can search the whole market.

When I got a mortgage with Nationwide all they required was a letter from my ex partner confirming that he would pay a certain amount for x number of years - and proof of that amount going into my bank account for at least 3 months. I never needed anything more formal than that.

good luck

@Keepitonthedownlow

Hi *@6lb3oz*

I think you will definitely need to wait until you are working as mortgage lenders do prefer that, even if it's topped with with universal credit.

I recommend you eventually either try and remortgage with your existing provider or use a mortgage broker who can search the whole market.

When I got a mortgage with Nationwide all they required was a letter from my ex partner confirming that he would pay a certain amount for x number of years - and proof of that amount going into my bank account for at least 3 months. I never needed anything more formal than that.

good luck

Because your income without it would have been sufficient presumably

My ex can't buy another house as well as be on this mortgage so I'm considering social housing now.

Any advice with this route?

Thank you all btw x

Why does your ex need to buy something immediately and force you and the kids into social housing? Why can't he rent instead of you. Even if its just to make this transition period of the next year or so easier for the kids. Of course longer term he will want his name off the mortgage but why does everything need to be rushed?

I get that its neater and cleaner. But it all
Seems a bit rushed.

You will be fine though. I was in a similar situation broke and on benefits and on my own with the kids. Now several years later in my dream house with a great job and a lovely partner. Sometimes the crap bit is just temporary and you dig yourself out of it year on year.

You wanted positive stories. We separated on January 1st 2020 and at the time I didn’t have stable employment. I jumped straight into working as many shifts as I could (NHS) whilst applying for jobs. In the February I got a full time role and then in the summer got accepted to take on the full mortgage. For my mortgage lender, maintenance was accepted as long as I could evidence it for 3 months (although he doesn’t pay much).

My ex was very good about it and patient. We are now divorced — I own a house alone and he has a deposit in the bank with the capacity to buy.

This is all happening very quickly. It’s great that you have worked out you can survive with the CMS minimum from him if he starts being less patient. Otherwise, he is just going to have to wait, a stable home for his DC should come before his desire to buy immediately.

Their maybe a problem with you having savings and claiming universal credits. I know you can ring fence for future house purchase. But not sure of the ins and outs. And for how long you can sit in the savings. But once you have savings over £6k they reduce your entitlement. And savings over £16k stops the entitlement.

If I can't take the mortgage on for our house on my own and he can't buy a new house whilst he's still on this one, will he be allowed to force me out? I can't seem to find the answer on this one.

I’m not a solicitor but, as I understand it, if you’re not married the house is treated as a joint investment. Google “Trusts of Land Appointment of Trustees Act” which I think covers it.

There’s just not enough equity at stake to be worth a legal fight over it, IMO, so can you come to an agreement on a period you can stay whilst you sort yourself out? Even with the market as it is, it would realistically be 2-3 months from accepting an offer to completing.

Would he agree to delaying marketing it for three months beforehand, so you get a six month buffer?

www.myconveyancingspecialist.com/2020/02/18/can-i-force-the-sale-of-a-jointly-owned-property/

Selling takes time so it won't happen over night. Get the place valued. Speak to a mortgage broker. Mine found me a mortgage which included my benefits and child support. But then ex stopped paying so I wasn't able to proceed. Are you able to downsize at all. See what your options are.